After a few weeks of action-packed True Blood episodes, the latest takes some time to gain momentum. But like Sam, it proves to be a pot that's just waiting to boil over, and by the time the credits close, a war has been declared (not to mention the loss of yet another character).
Most of all I was happy to be re-introduced to a few old friends: Franklin, Flanagan, Eric's black tank top. To get into the spoiler-filled fun, just keep reading.
- The new "Finish him": "Silver him!" Nan Flanagan and the V-Feds show up at Fangtasia to investigate the Magister's death, and Eric's in the hot seat. Eric's cool-as-a-cucumber demeanor is nowhere to be found, and the V-Feds take control of him using the vampire's dreaded metal where a taser might normally be found. Don't silver me, bro.
- Most irritating character since the maenad: Crystal. Is it just me or has she become nothing but trouble? When her fiance Felton shows up to kick Jason's butt yet again, he and Crystal manage to tie him up and leave him the woods. Unfortunately, Jason's girlie 911 call only leads to one of Andy's cops getting his butt kicked. Meanwhile, Crystal doesn't show any redeeming qualities. Note to Jason: she ain't worth it.
- Most counterproductive shower etiquette: In his post-coital shower with Sookie, Bill cuts himself and uses his blood to heal her wounds...but just adds to the red river circling the drain.
- Grossest vampire grieving step: Russell pretty much bathes himself in Talbot's gooey vampire remains when he returns home to see Eric's handiwork. Then he later seals "Talbot" up in a jar so he can talk to him and kiss him.
- Understatement of the year: "I'm not afraid to spill a little blood anymore." No kidding, Sookie. Now that she and Bill are reunited, they immediately get back into their lovers' squabbles. Sookie's not prepared to run from Russell and the werewolves, and she's still ticked off at Bill for his stalkerish file on her. Bill contends that he needs to know what she is in order to protect her, and he gets a very big clue when he wakes up in the middle of her fairy land fantasy from the hospital. He claims he knows what she is, but we're still gonna have to wait another episode.
- Best robe collection: Does Lafayette have a thing for silk kimonos? After his sleepover, we see Jesus rocking a multi-colored one, and later both he and Ruby slip into them as well. Speaking of the sleepover, I have a feeling there may be more to Jesus's jaguar tattoo than he's letting on.
- Most in need of their own romantic comedy: Jessica and Hoyt manage to be a breath of semi-normal air in the crazy world around them. Jessica can't contain her jealousy (or her fangs) when Hoyt walks in with Summer, and later they have a mini heart-to-heart. She asks him the tell-tale question of whether he's happy, and he reveals that he can't stop thinking about her. What could be the perfect reuniting moment is ruined when Tommy butts in and whisks a crying Jessica away from Hoyt.
- Sexiest misty eyes: Aww, Eric gets all choked up telling the story of his history with the werewolves, and has a mushy moment with Pam afterward. I love seeing his softie side, but all the talk about what will happen when he's gone better not be foreshadowing.
- Ultimate pressure cooker: We see Sam get slowly more frustrated throughout this episode, patiently dealing with Tommy's obnoxious antics (read: ridiculously loud sex exploits) to Arlene's complaining. It all comes crashing down when Calvin walks in and Sam absolutely loses his mind and beats Calvin to a pulp.
- Shortest reprise: Franklin's back! But not for long. He barely has enough screen time to utter some of his crazytown pearls of wisdom before Jason saves the day and rescues Tara from his clutches. I don't know if I was more shocked at how quickly Franklin goes down or the fact that Jason actually does something right. But here's the real question: will this reawaken Tara's lifelong crush on Mr. Stackhouse?
- Rudest interruption: Russell decides to show how little he cares about authority by attacking a reporter in the middle of a live news brief. He then uses his on-air time to declare war on humankind and threatening to kill everyone's children. Such a charmer, that one.
So are you ready for the last batch of episodes of True Blood? Will Eric bring Russell down in time? Share your comments below, and check out the True Blood Southern Vampire Series group for even more fun!
Photo courtesy of HBO