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True Blood Recap | "Everybody Wants to Rule the World"

True Blood Bites: "Everybody Wants to Rule the World"

I'm hesitant to say it (because who knows what they'll throw at us next episode), but this week's True Blood ties up a lot of loose ends. Of course, when one fire monster retreats, another supernatural force is bound to spring up in its place. The Authority is on the rise after abolishing the law that says vampires can't feed in public, leading to some chaos in Fangtasia. Sookie is getting closer to finding out who killed her parents but ends up getting held hostage by "Obamas." We get a flashback at Alcide as a young pup, and it appears he's had the same haircut for about 20 years.

Russell and Steve Newlin appear to be the latest happy couple in Bon Temps, and Russell even bestows a canine present on his betrothed: Luna's wolfy daughter, Emma. I'm sure they won't be nearly as excited about her once she turns into a human again. Find out what else happened on this week's True Blood after the jump.

  • Most mouthy medium: If I ever have ghosts I need to contact, then I'm calling Lafayette. Even if he couldn't get through to my spirits (though if this week's episode is any indication, then he probably wouldn't have any issues), then he could say hilarious things like, "Dead folk, why y'all gotta be so cryptic?" to cheer me up.
  • Least romantic profession of love: Sam just kind of spits out that he loves Luna during their fight, and after a momentary stun, she shouts she loves him too. But there are no stars and rainbows; they just end the fight and that is that. Later, they bust in and save the day in their birthday suits, proving that the couple who fights crime in the nude together, stays together.
  • Most quotable vamp: Though she doesn't have much screen time this week, Pam is still the reigning champion of quips. Among her best zingers this week: "Just 'cause we drained a b*tch together does not make us Oprah and Gayle." Also, to Tara: "We keep our heads down, our tits up, and our Tru Blood flowing."
  • Worst wakeup call: Sookie's woken up in some unfortunate places in the past, but literally waking up in a pig pen is foul. It must have been momentarily comforting to see Hoyt tied up in the next stall over, except she quickly realizes he's in a drug coma. Will there ever exist a time when Sookie is just left alone, or is she forever destined to be held hostage?
  • Least welcome return: Former Sheriff Bud Dearborne appeared a few episodes ago but, to be honest, I didn't give it much thought. I was really surprised at the reveal that he's married to the Grand Dragon of the "Obamas." Thankfully, his return is brief, because Andy takes him out. I'm hoping that story line is over for now; those masks are really freaking me out.
  • Biggest misnomer: I do love that Bud's angry supremacist girlfriend's name is Sweetie. Even Sookie appreciates that irony.
  • Best Samuel L. Jackson impression: I was shocked at Terry pulling the trigger on Patrick. I couldn't have been the only one who figured the Iraqi woman meaning of "the right thing" would be to spare Patrick's life and let him be with his wife and unborn baby. Nope, she means kill him, and kill him Terry does. I hope his marriage with Arlene can survive such a ghastly incident. I also hope they clean up after Patrick well, because they're violating about a million heath codes by killing him inside a restaurant.
  • Most original cliffhanger: Hoyt may or may not be dead by way of pig stampede. He was also drugged and bound, but the perturbed pigs crushing his internal organs would probably be the culprits if he were to die this week. Any guesses as to whether he'll be back — dead or alive?
  • Deepest turn to the dark side: Bill seems to be having some kind of existential, spiritual crisis. I thought Eric was really getting through to him, but Bill proves me wrong at the end when he double crosses Eric and lets The Authority in on his plan. Bro is really in deep now.

What did you think of this week's True Blood?

Image Source: HBO
Shannon-Vestal Shannon-Vestal 5 years
This show is bonkers, but your recap was hilarious, @Maggie Pehanick .  
Bwalters Bwalters 5 years
Well said. yes, more Lafayette please!   Love that cover of "Bad Things" - wow!! very sexy / sultry. I think I've seen Katrina singing before. Her voice is so cool - I had to watch it twice. ha! Thanks for sharing.
DianeK DianeK 5 years
This episode went off the deep end a little, but I don’t care. There were so many fun elements - man eating pigs, a villain named Sweetie, good Eric & Bad Bill, the end of the smoke monster (Praise Jesus! high fives all around!), Pam & Tara girl bonding, & Sheriff Andy having an existential crisis. The negatives: Bill + Salome is just not sexy to me (this glazed over crisis of faith Bill’s having is not enjoyable to watch). Bloody Lilith makes me want to wash my eyes out with bleach. We also need more Lafayette please. A little is not enough!   Because most of the above delights me, I’m still hooked on the show…plus I was excited to see a new cover of the opening song “Bad Things” -  The music on or inspired by this show is so good. It's pretty much the summer of True Blood at this point.  
lauren lauren 5 years
I am still enjoying True Blood, yes this season has been jumpy but I was still surprised by Bill and how he is following the new authority! I am glad the fire story is finished and hope we get learn more about the vampire that killed sookie and jason's parents...curious who it is or if it is someone who was already introduced to the show. I will still keep watching....
Maggie-Panos Maggie-Panos 5 years
I feel like it has been lacking direction since season two. The characters are all on such separate paths that rarely converge; there's nothing uniting or cohesive anymore. They tried to tie things together last night with Russell partnering with the wolf pack but it wasn't particularly shocking or interesting.   Hate to say it but the magic might be gone.
Becky-Kirsch Becky-Kirsch 5 years
I agree with @bluegirl58 . Between the fire monster storyline, the ridiculous(ly boring) wolfpack stuff, and the "Obamas," this show has lost all direction completely. Also, if they were going to replace Eric as Sheriff of Area 5, they could have at least picked someone better looking.
bluegirl58 bluegirl58 5 years
I think they should heed the books and give Bill's character way less air time.  I know he's married to Anna Pacquin but really ... he's boring and he's not at all likeable.  And please end this Authority storyline - is it doing anything to move the show forward?  I don't think so and I'm sick of all of the air time they're devoting to the Lillith "story line."  I can officially say (after that horrendous episode last week with Russell Edgington and the gang roaming the French Quarter) that they're getting damn close to jumping the shark here.  You have a wonderful core group of characters; please give them more air time and stop pulling in more and more characters that frankly have no real impact on the show and don't entertain at all.    
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