The title of this week's episode pretty accurately sums up how I feel about keeping up with all the story lines happening on True Blood right now. Bill and Eric finally capture Russell, but the Authority's plan doesn't go exactly as they thought it would. Alcide is fed up with all the senseless were-deaths, the band of masked hooligans who (nearly) killed Sam and Luna are back and wreaking more havoc, and poor Hoyt has just given up.
There's a lot to discuss from this week's episode, so to find out the highlights, just after the jump.
- Least successful glamours: Despite a last-minute werewolf attack, the gang leads the Authority to the ailing but ever-spunky Russell Edgington. Bill agrees to glamour Sookie so she knows nothing of Russell's capture, but instead he just pretends. The fake glamour is much more emotionally damaging than if he'd actually done it for real, and his bittersweet demand that she forget all about him and Eric is heartbreaking. Meanwhile, Eric does actually glamour Alcide, throwing in a tidbit about how he's not to touch Sookie in a romantic way, and she'll be disgusting to him.
- Cutest proud maker moment: Tara and Jessica's fight over Hoyt spills out of the public restroom and onto Fangtasia's dance floor. Though the patrons are stoked about the vamp fight, Pam is less enthused, taking Tara by the hair and dragging her to the kitchen. After a curt lecture, Pam tells Tara that her fighting skills make her proud, the way a human is proud of a dog. That's sort of encouraging, right?
- Most surprising survivor: I assumed Luna was all but dead and buried, and even though there was footage of her looking alive at the Comic-Con panel, I still wasn't sure of her fate, but she's definitely alive and kicking. Now I feel kind of bad at my lack of emotion last week when I thought she actually did die.
- Strongest gauntlet throw-down: Alcide is so over watching werewolves die that he returns to his old pack and nominates himself for leader. Though he'd been considered for the position before, the new pack master is none too pleased to find his authority challenged. A lady werewolf steps up to be Alcide's "second" (is that like a vice president?), and I imagine we'll see this resolved next week.
- Least satisfying moment of honesty: I've been rooting for Terry to come clean with Arlene for weeks. He finally summons the courage to tell her about the curse, but instead of believing him, she assumes he's gone off his meds, though she seems to believe him when he says he has to go lest he puts her and the kids in danger. You'd think with all the craziness in Bon Temps, she'd realize by now that when someone says a fire monster is after you, a freakin' fire monster is after you.
- Lowest bottom: Hoyt is having a great night: Tara sucks his blood, and Jessica gets jealous — it's all good. Then Jessica tells him once and for all, it's over between them. Before you know it, Hoyt is letting some random creepy vamp dude suck his blood in an alley. That's bad enough, but just as his heart is slowing, the same gang of Obama-mask-wearing hoodlums who shot Sam and Luna drive up, shoot the bloodsucker, and pile Hoyt into their van after they recognize him. Who are these intolerant outlaws?
- Most promising story line: With all the insanity happening in the True Blood universe, the mystery I'm most excited to uncover is what really happened to Sookie's parents. Who is the vampire that killed them? Could it have been Bill?
- Most poorly executed execution: Russell is hauled in on his knees to the Authority, but he is not about to go silently into the night. After an expletive-loaded final speech, his remote-controlled murder device fails, and Russell seizes the opportunity to stake Roman. I'm assuming this is just the beginning of the brutal violence now that Russell is out of his coffin.
What did you think of this week's True Blood?
Photo courtesy of HBO