Why You Feel Like You've Seen Orange Is the New Black's Sadistic Guard Humphrey Before

Orange Is the New Black season four is indisputably the darkest season so far, and one of the factors that make it that way are the batch of new guards at Litchfield this year. After the CO walkout in the season three finale, Caputo's guard problem is solved when he gets a set of new, seemingly tough officers, led by Desi Piscatella. As the season goes on, though, the group of guards each fails the prison in one way or another, including causing the death of one of our favorite inmates. But even though Piscatella is the head jerk, there's one guard in particular who truly deserves the title of the worst: CO Humphrey.


We never learn much about Humphrey's past aside from being a vet, but in the present, he is disgusting: he forces Maritza to eat cockroaches or a baby mouse at gunpoint, he incites a bloody, disturbing prison fight between Maureen and Suzanne, and he clearly feels nothing about it all. As grossed out as he makes us, though (and as much as we hope that he goes down after the finale cliffhanger), something else bothered us about Humphrey: he looks so familiar. The actor who plays him is Michael Torpey, and though he's not a super-high-profile star just yet, he's had several memorable roles that we recognize him from, and you probably do too.

If you watch Inside Amy Schumer, you'd definitely know him from that. He stars in season one's "2 Girls 1 Cup" skit, as the guy trying to put the gross viral video together.

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He's made several appearances each season of the sketch show, like in this GOP-regulated birth control skit and boyfriend sketch.

Besides Inside Amy Schumer, Torpey has guest-starred on a few TV shows, like Limitless, Madam Secretary, Veep, and one of the greatest sitcoms of all time, 30 Rock, where he had a short stint but an extremely 30 Rock-level ridiculous name, Gaylord Felcher.

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