We've still got a long ways to go before packing lunches [1] and backpacks in a rush to make the school bus becomes our reality again, but that doesn't mean that your kiddo may not be thinking about back to school [2] already. After the freedom and fun of summertime, many kids will experience worry when it comes to getting back to classes, but if your child appears truly anxious about beginning the new school year, there are a few things you can do to help them cope and work through that anxiety [3].
We chatted with Dr. Robin Alter, a child psychologist who specializes in anxiety, to get some tips on handling our kids' school anxiety like pros. Read through for seven of them.
Don't dismiss their worries.
If your child comes to you with a slew of worries — about teachers, having friends in their class, their clothes, understanding their schoolwork, finishing homework on time, etc. — don't dismiss them by telling them not to worry about any of it.
Rather than reassure them blindly, validate their worries (because let's be honest, you probably worried about the exact same things as a child) and talk them through each one until you can problem-solve them all as well as possible.
Use their imagination to their advantage.
Kids have active imaginations, which sometimes contributes to their anxiety — they are able to come up with a number of scenarios that could occur at school based on their worries. Encourage your child to use their imagination to "create a different story" in which the things they are anxious about aren't scary.
Dr. Alter is releasing an entire workbook, The Anxiety Workbook For Kids [4] ($17), which features activities that will help your child to use their imagination to deal with anxiety in a positive way.
Reassure your child that you're proud of them always.
A lot of back-to-school anxiety stems from not feeling like they'll be successful in the classroom or that their performance won't measure up to standards and expectations. Obviously we all want our children to do well in school, but not at the expense of their mental health. Take the emphasis off of being "perfect," focus on positives [5], and encourage them to do their best, which you will always be proud of.
Create a home routine that can help ease some of the worries based on the unknown at school.
If your child is worried about missing the bus or not being able to finish their homework, those are based on home life and how you manage time as a family. Before school starts, establish a routine that your child can feel confident about, then tackle any of the remaining worries that result from being at school.
Start working on separation anxiety in the weeks before school starts.
If being away from you is your child's biggest fear for the new school year, start prepping them for the separation in the weeks before. Schedule a bunch of drop-off play dates, hire a babysitter a few times, or leave the kids with a relative. Remind them that every time they are left you will go back to get them and that being away from you is only temporary.
Let them know when you're feeling anxious and how you cope with it.
When our children are anxious, it often makes us anxious. Rather than skirt over issues and avoid dealing with our own feelings until the kids are out of the room, Dr. Alter encourages all of us as parents to voice our fears. "Express yourself and let your kids know how you're coping with it. That shows that anxiety is a normal part of life, and we have ways of dealing with it." By opening up and allowing your child to see that you, too, are only human and sometimes worry, your child will know they're not alone.
Involve your child's teacher — but only if it's necessary.
Based on your child's age and the sources of their anxiety, involving their teacher "can sometimes backfire" and make your child feel more vulnerable. "Your child might feel like everyone is looking at them, or that their teacher helping them out could make them easier to pick on," Dr. Alter told us.
If you think involving your child's teacher is definitely necessary, be sure to approach them the right way. Pick a private time to talk to them, rather than in the chaos of morning drop-off, and be sure to focus on your child and their needs rather than the things you think the teacher herself can be doing better. You'll both need to work together to figure out what's best for your little one, which means listening to each other's suggestions and brainstorming solutions.