Before I had kids, I was extremely social. I had dinner out with friends more nights than not, I worked in a profession that required me to go to events at least a few times a week where the drinks and apps were always free and flowing, and I always had a full calendar on the weekends. It was fun, if at times a little tiring, but I wouldn't have had it any other way. Then, at almost 32 years old, after a solid 14 years of regular partying, I had my daughter, and damn, did my social life change overnight.
Suddenly, instead of staying up until 2 a.m. on a Saturday and sleeping until noon, I was crashing at 8 p.m., trying to sneak in some sleep before her midnight feeding. I was too tired to put on makeup and still sporting 20 pounds of baby weight that ensured none of my favorite going-out outfits would have fit anyway. The party was literally over . . . until it wasn't. Six years later, I've learned that kids will definitely torpedo your social life in the beginning, but then strangely, they help you get it back.
Here are four ways they'll kill your party vibe, and four ways they'll help you rediscover it.
- Party foul: they can't watch themselves. Ever hear someone say that they're prepared to have a baby because they have a dog? Sure, you smile and nod, but what you're really thinking? You've never had to call all your relatives and multiple babysitters just to find someone to watch your dog so you can make it to girls' night. No responsible childcare [2], no night out for mama, and good sitters are hard to find, especially on a Saturday night.
- Party foul: they make going out twice as expensive. Guess why parents hardly ever see movies? Need a clue? Take two $12 tickets, add another $20 for popcorn and drinks, then add $50 for a babysitter, and that theater experience just cost you almost $100. Six months later, you can watch it on demand for $6, if you can stay awake, which brings us to the next point . . .
- Party foul: they make you too tired to stay up to watch a movie, let alone hit the town. Socializing is a lot of work. There's the making of plans, the washing and drying of one's hair, the wearing of clothes that don't have an elastic waistband. For exhausted parents [3], staying in, ordering pizza, and rocking pajamas has never sounded better.
- Party foul: they make hangovers so much worse. One of my favorite parenting stories to date comes from two of my high school friends, who are married with two kids. One day, they were so hungover, they made a game out of throwing chips at their kids [4], who gleefully caught them and ate them. And that was lunch — because nursing a hangover and being a good parent just don't mix.
- Party on: they help you meet new friends. Once your kids are old enough for regular classes, preschool, and park outings that don't involve you having to watch them every second, they (totally unintentionally) become the best wingmen ever. Occasionally, they'll befriend kids who have cool parents, and you'll jump on that faster than you can say "wine at a play date."
- Party on: they love to let loose. Kids are the original partiers. They get dirty, dance inappropriately, get hopped up on sugar, and sometimes even get naked just to show you how much fun they're having. You can get stressed about it, or you can go with it, but I recommend the latter.
- Party on: they help you weed out toxic friendships. Having kids raises your bullsh*t detector and helps you weed out the friends [5] who bring only negativity to your life. Not only are they the perfect excuse to say you're unavailable and therefore avoid toxic people, but they'll also change your outlook on life so much that you'll wonder why you had those people around in the first place.
- Party on: they make the times you do get out even more fun. Sure, I no longer have a standing sushi girls' dinner on Thursdays like I did in my 20s, but when I do get to have a kid-free night out with my best friends, you better believe it's just as much fun. Actually, it might even be better because the rarity makes it extraspecial.