Although some parents think that the Elf on the Shelf tradition is a little creepy [1], many moms and dads still do their due diligence when it comes to moving the little elf every day in December in order to get their kids to behave around the holidays. However, this Christmas, kiss your Elf on the Shelf goodbye, because there's a new guy in town to keep your kids' behavior in check: Lannister on the Bannister.
Unlike the Elf on the Shelf, Jaime Lannister is not only outfitted with a real-life sword but can actually talk to your kids and teach them a number of valuable life lessons, which is demonstrated in an "ad" for the "product" featured on Jimmy Kimmel Live [2].
"I once knew a man who broke his promise," starts one such lesson from Jaime after he stops a brother and sister from running up the stairs. "Soon after, him and his entire family were invited to a wedding. And at that wedding hall all the doors were locked so no one could escape. Then, they were all slaughtered. Their bodies scored by arrows, sliced open by daggers, throats slit. That great hall became an ocean of blood . . . now give your sister back her Hatchimal."
Lannister on the Bannister can be yours for just four monthly installments of $19.99* — plus shipping and handling, of course — and need we remind you, "a Lannister always pays his installments."
Winter is coming, y'all.
*This is obviously a fake product, but if you thought for a minute this wasn't a joke and you were ready to purchase one, you are dark, my friend.