A Letter to My Sick Mom on Mother's Day: We Need More Time

Dear Mom,

I don't even know where to begin. It's been six months since you were diagnosed with breast cancer, and it still feels like a nightmare. Even after all the doctor appointments, it doesn't seem real. I'm looking at you as I write this, and I can see how much has changed since you started treatment. Your energy has decreased, you've lost weight, and you always want space away from me and everyone else so we don't have to see the pain you're in, but we already know. On the other hand, I can also see how little has changed. Your smile is still warm, your laugh is still contagious and lights up an entire room, and you still try to find natural ways to heal yourself to avoid going to chemo (even though it never works). The most important thing that I know hasn't changed is how much you love me.

Growing up, you took the role of mom seriously, teaching me everything from cooking to becoming a well-rounded person, but you also surprised me when I least expected it. Like the time you were helping me study for a huge test and you suddenly cracked the most ridiculous joke, and we laughed about it for 20 minutes. Or the time when I wanted to learn to skateboard, and you let me hold onto you. Even though I gave up, you ended up learning to skateboard and would skate around the neighborhood to find me (which was sometimes embarrassing, especially if you were yelling at me to come home for dinner).

You're also one of the bravest people I know. Whether or not I agreed with you at the time, you stood up for me no matter what. I remember one time in particular when I told you there was something in the backyard, you found out it was a rattlesnake, and you just went out and chased it away like a badass. I'm still in awe of your bravery, and I hope I can be just like you. You were supermom in my eyes when I was young, and I still see you that way now.

How did my supermom end up getting breast cancer then? Why is it that the most important woman in my life has to go through this? I remember sitting in the room with you and dad when the doctor told us how serious the lump in your breast was. It felt like everything was crashing down on me. I was upset with you for not going to the doctor sooner because you believed you could take care of things herself. But I was mostly terrified of losing you because there's still so much for us to experience. You need to be there when I meet the love of my life, sit next to me while my hands and feet are adorned with beautiful bridal henna, to hold your grandchildren and shower them with all the love that you gave me. We need more time.

Taking care of you since you started treatment has given me a newfound appreciation for everything you did for me and Dad You took care of both of us and ran the household for years, and I didn't really understand how hard it is until I took over. Even when you're weak and aren't feeling well, you still help me, especially with cooking. You're still supermom trying to teach me your ways, and it makes me love you more than you will ever know.

This Mother's Day, I want you to know how grateful I am to have such a wonderful person in my life. I thank God every day for blessing me with the best mom anyone could ever ask for. Thank you for being my cheerleader all these years, even when you haven't felt like getting out of bed. Thank you for always telling me I'm beautiful when I struggle to see it in myself. And thank you for never forgetting to remind me that I'm the best thing that ever happened to you. I hate seeing you go through all this; it's so unfair. You deserve so much better, and I've been upset with God because of it. I wish I could take all of your pain and make it mine, but I can't, so I want to be there for you as much as I can. I want you to know that I love you so much. We'll get through this together, just like we started.

Happy Mother's Day, Amma.

Love,
Your Super Daughter