The 8 Most Common Fights All Couples Have (and How on Earth to Resolve Them)
You might think that the arguments you and your partner have are unique to you, but there's a good chance that what you're fighting about is something that most couples in long-term relationships deal with. Although it's nice to know you aren't alone, it doesn't necessarily make solving the problems any easier.
"The longest-running arguments are the ones with the most at stake," Dr. Pepper Schwartz — a University of Washington professor who has made it her mission to improve the lives of those in long-term, aging relationships — tells POPSUGAR about the eight common fights that couples, particularly married ones, endure. "Those are the ones that keep coming up with no conclusion, that leave you both bristling or feeling overwhelmed or underappreciated."
"The longest-running arguments are the ones with the most at stake — the ones that keep coming up with no conclusion, that leave you both bristling or feeling overwhelmed or underappreciated."
For those issues, we enlisted the advice of Schwartz and another seasoned expert, Dr. Dain Heer, whose "active consciousness" approach helps people who are stuck in a cycle of no change.
Read on to see which of these fights ring an all-too familiar bell . . . and what strategies you and your partner can employ to fix them.
One thing to consider: although Schwartz believes people don't use "third-party help" in the form of a therapist enough ("there's something about the American spirit that says we've got to be able to do this by ourselves," she says), she does preface the following solutions with a major caveat: "If it keeps happening, around the third revolution, that might be when you say, 'We don't have the equipment to handle this. Let's talk to someone else before there's more damage.'"