This morning, I asked my husband if he knew what was happening this Sunday. He gave me a blank stare. "It's a holiday," I teased. Annoyed blank stare. "IT'S F*CKING MOTHER'S DAY [1]," I said gently and calmly.

I could already tell I wasn't getting that surprise spa day or a perfectly orchestrated brunch (you know, the kind of outing at a kid-friendly restaurant that still has decent eggs benedict and serves alcohol, with a reservation at a time that magically falls between the complicated nap schedules of my 4-month-old and toddler).

Somehow, like all moms, I forgot that there's no such thing as a free gift on Mother's Day [2]. This video from the hilarious ladies at WhatsUpMoms makes it abundantly clear that even when we've got a Fairy Godmother's Day Fairy, we've got a zero-percent chance of ever getting what we want:

• Sleeping in? Can't guarantee your kids won't yell, "Quiet! Mom's sleeeeeping!"
• Breakfast in bed? Fine print: cleanup's not included.
• Jewelry you'll actually wear? You can wear macaroni.

So, let's all try our best to let our kids (read: husbands, partners, or whomever we expect will be orchestrating a surprise Mother's Day miracle) off the hook and settle for one of those clay things they put their handprints in. There's always next year, right? (Spoiler alert: next year will be the exact same.)