How often do you leave the lights on during sex? According to my friends, women are apt to turn out the lights right as the clothes are coming off. And to me, that kind of makes the whole sex act moot. Isn't the point to be intimate and connected with your partner? Not to feel ashamed or embarrassed? I know we women are hard on ourselves about our appearance — especially postbaby. It doesn't matter what your shape or size is — we all feel unsure at times, even the skinny ladies.
But remember, ladies: your partner picked you. You were chosen not only for your wonderful attributes as a person, but also for your beauty. Your partner finds you attractive. And most likely, your main squeeze was right there to witness the birth of your child or children, so he knows full well already what your body looks like before, during, and after childbirth, whether you had a vaginal delivery or a C-section. That man in your bedroom wanting to have sex with you most likely does not care one bit about the stretch marks on your thighs or the baby pounds that still linger. He's just happy you're having sex with him, you know? And in 2015, having more sex should be your goal anyway.
A happy married life includes a healthy sexual relationship. For myself, as a newly divorced mom, I'm nervous about that first time getting naked in front of another person that's not my husband. I wonder if the person will be excited by me or if he'll rip me apart? I've never been shy and I have not been one to leave the lights on. Although when I was breastfeeding and married, I was worried I would squirt my husband at the time in the act. But the fact remains that opting to shut off the lights is impairing your partner's ability to enjoy the act of sex, period. You might as well put a bag over your head. Here are four reasons to leave the lights on during sex.
You Can't See Each Other
I understand that perhaps this is the point. You don't want the hubby to see your wobbly bits, but when you can't see each other . . . you can't see each other. You can't get that same eye lock, and everyone knows that eyes are the windows to our souls. And if the lights are off so he doesn't see your wobbly bits, he also doesn't get to see your perfect bits. And you don't get to see his perfect bits. Sex is a visual act for women, too. Lights-out means you're missing part of the action.
It's not sexy when a person isn't confident in him- or herself. Clicking off the lamps just states that you're not confident. That you really don't love your body . . . and that's a letdown because your partner does love your body, and if he doesn't, perhaps it's time to give him the boot. You had a baby or babies, and that's a mighty thing. Own what you've got, and work it! It's incredibly sexy when someone feels confident in her own skin, despite this country's insane beauty standards.
Just remember: models don't have Photoshop when they're in bed with their husbands either. Just saying.
Limits the Fun
When you're in a blackout, you're a bit limited in what you can do sexually. I know not everyone is kinky, but even if you wanted to do a little handcuff action or perhaps add some special-flavored lubricant, having the lights out provides you with a few technical difficulties. It's not convenient . . . and what if you handcuff the wrong part? Suddenly the sexy can get a little hairy and not in the good way.
You Didn't Become Another Person Overnight
Your partner saw you shower. He saw you get dressed today. He knows your body already. What is there to hide? Unless you've grown another appendage or morphed into another being overnight, he knows and loves you as you, and so should you!
The moral of this sexy story? Unless you're trying to hide from the kids, keep those lights on — even if they're dim. Be confident in who you are and your marriage. If your partner is critical of your body or hurtful, perhaps it's time you took a good look at the marriage in itself. Every woman deserves to feel like a queen. Own your assets, and work that man, girl!