Your partner is so excited about having a baby that, at times, you feel as if they could totally bypass your involvement in the whole baby-making matter, except for the whole labor part (minor detail). Then during the labor, your partner sounds like a sportscaster and posts photos and updates to Facebook the entire time you writhe in pain. You were sort of hoping for a little help with those deep breaths and pushes . . . but sometimes you have to take what you can get.
Read through for eight things your partner will probably do instead of strictly being your birth coach while you're in labor.
1. Be a sportscaster.
Your partner is probably going to be on their phone texting the play-by-play of your labor: OK folks, she's about 3 centimeters dilated. Doctor thinks things are progressing well. But suddenly (fumble!) labor slows down. Doc says we may have to take next steps.
You're probably going to sit there waiting for them to come do all that fun breathing and supportive stuff you saw in the birth class videos, but instead, it's more like a round table of NFL chat.
2. Announce how freaked out they are.
Your partner promised to be supportive and totally meant it . . . until they saw things progress. Until they saw that you were starting to crown. Suddenly, "Big Poppa" just can't stand the heat in the kitchen. Do they faint? Do they turn green? Do they leave the room? Stay tuned!
3. Log every moment on social media.
If you so much as moan, your overeager partner is up on Instagram or Facebook (or even worse, Twitter), sharing each moment of your labor from minute one . . . to minute 2,000. You're wondering how he or she is filtering your photos and hope they aren't too unflattering, but once the pain amps up, you don't really care if the labor is being broadcast to the world . . . you just want the baby out!
4. Be a SUPER birth coach.
Every two seconds, your partner, the SUPER Birth Coach, is asking you if you want lip balm for your dry lips, a back massage, help breathing, and everything else under the sun. This partner is so conscientious, you're starting to feel like they're a little bit up your butt.
The hospital staff finds your partner charming and so do you, but if only you might be allowed a moment to breathe in between your partner's desire to be the BEST BIRTH COACH EVER! It's like they're begging for a trophy or something . . .
5. Sleep the wait off.
My former partner slept, saying he would be awake for the important part of labor, thinking fairly so that the early stage would be slow and I would need more help toward the end. That befuddled me, as it all felt important and painful. Of course, as it progressed, he woke up.
6. Show their nervous side.
"Why did that just happen? Is everything OK? That doesn't look right. I can't look 'down there.'"
The "nervous birth coach" shivers and shakes over every little thing. Hopefully you're feeling less nervous than your partner is!
7. Take in-your-face videos.
Your partner might be in your face with a video camera and a cell phone, being sure to document your every painful and twisted moment. You feel like you're in a documentary, and not in a cute way.
8. Be the doctor's sidekick.
Your partner who can't step away from the doctor's side is likely anxious and/or very into medical terminology and events. They'll be busy asking the OBGYN every possible labor question under the sun, and at the end of the questioning, you're pretty sure your partner could assist with labor or do a C-section all on their own.