I love my son and everything about him, even his more willful traits. I adore every inch of him, even the dirt that seems permanently wedged under his fingernails despite multiple deep scrubs each day. Loving him, however, doesn't prevent me from wanting more time away from him.
I'm a stay-at-home mom, and while I consider myself (hashtag) blessed that I get to watch him grow up from such a close perspective, his needs and temperament rule every minute of my day.
Every activity is planned around his schedule. From classes and play dates to museum trips and park jaunts, everything I do is determined by what I think he would like and what he needs. This is, of course, how it has to be. He's only 2, and at that age, schedules and predictable excursions help him thrive. It's not that I mind being his personal attendant; in fact, I love it. I get to see my beautiful city through the eyes of a child, and it's wonderful.
Yet, somewhere in the mountains of play dates and scheduled outings, I've sacrificed making time for myself [1].
This of course doesn't make me special. Most mothers I know, especially the amazing ones who have full-time careers, have talked about the struggle to find a balance between caring for the home and the self. Unfortunately, there is never enough time in the day to get everything done.
When I started writing, I had dreams of completing a novel and writing more short stories. I have a sewing machine that has an impressive layer of dust from years of being unused, and I've signed up for more than one road race that I haven't been able to train for. For the past two years, if it came down to doing something for my son or doing something for myself, my son won every time. So, projects have been left in an unfinished state and my running shoes are lucky if they see 20 miles of action a week. In the process of caring for my son, I neglected my own needs.
This Christmas, I will ask Santa, who I hope will inform my husband and mother, that I need some time for myself.
This Christmas, I will ask Santa, who I hope will inform my husband and mother, that I need some time for myself. It doesn't mean that I don't love being with my son as much as possible, just that at some point, I have to acknowledge that I need love, too. My hobbies and time with friends will help rejuvenate me and ensure that I am a well-rounded mother. My son is my world, but he doesn't need to be my whole world.
I think at the end of the day, we all will benefit from this simple Christmas gift request. My son will grow up knowing that his mother has interests in things other than him, my husband and mother will get more time with him, and I'll get to continue to grow and become the best person I can be, even if that means sacrificing some mom time.