If you and your partner have recently decided to call it quits [1], a lot of things are probably changing with your relationship, your roles, and the way you spend the holiday season with your kids [2]. The hard truth? This change might be the best thing for the kids and both parents [3], but that doesn't make it any less tough to give up spending cherished time with your children on Christmas, during Hanukkah [4], or over the holiday season. Follow these helpful tips when your child needs to spend a holiday celebrating with your ex, so you can cope better emotionally and mentally — and still enjoy it.
Surround Yourself With Friends
Mom friends, dad friends, old friends, new friends. Pick up the phone and let them know you've got some free time — there's nothing like a good friend to make you feel less lonely.
Keep Your Kids in the Loop
Kids are smart, period. If they're old enough (or mature enough) to understand that you and your partner are no longer together, sit them down and explain that to them. Let them know that they won't be spending the holidays with you this year ahead of time, instead of waiting until the last minute.
Pick Up a New Hobby
Use the new-found time away from your kids to start a hobby you've been dying to get into, whether it's a new SoulCycle class or becoming a full-fledged book worm.
Don't Bash Your Ex
Talking poorly about your former spouse in front of your kids makes them feel as though they need to take sides or that they need to resent the other parent. Vent to your close family and friends instead when your kids aren't around.
Enjoy the Freedom
Yes, you're missing your kids like crazy. But it's more than OK to enjoy the time apart. Enjoy the fact that you don't need to travel with kids this year, you don't need to see your old in-law's — the list goes on and on.
Start a New Tradition
If you're used to having your children on Christmas morning and they'll be with your ex this year instead, take the opportunity to make a new family tradition, like eating breakfast for dinner or hosting a holiday-themed game night.
Embrace the "Me Time"
Take that yoga class. Treat yourself to some online shopping. Have a spa day. If you're lacking self love this holiday season, showing yourself a little TLC could help.
Be Understanding
Coming to terms with the fact that your children are going to be spending a majority of their time with your ex this holiday season can be tough. Take a deep breath, calm yourself down, and acknowledge the fact that kids deserve to spend time with both parents.
Knock Out Your To-Do List
You love your kids, but there's no doubt that it's easier to get errands done as a solo act.
Join a Support Group
Single parent chat rooms, online communities, and support groups can be super healthy outlets for parents dealing with their first holiday season sans kids.
Make a Game Plan With Your Ex — and Stick With It
Whether it's court-mandated or discussed between the two of you, create a concrete plan for which parent handles each holiday with the kids. Write down and keep track of dates, times, and locations, so that the process of dropping off and picking up is as painless as possible.
Celebrate the Holiday Another Day
It might technically only be Christmas once a year, but who says you can't celebrate it a few days late? Feel free to re-create special moments when you get your kids again — they definitely won't mind celebrating twice.
Respect the Other Parent's Time
If your former partner is supposed to get the kids at 6 p.m. sharp on Christmas Eve, try your absolute best to make that happen. Respecting everyone's time is key, especially when dealing with parents who are already worried about not getting enough of it with their children.
Visit Family Members You Miss
Take family members up on their offers to join them in celebrating. Go to your mom's house for a Christmas morning breakfast or crash your sister's holiday party — it'll force you to be a little less down in the dumps.
Set a Good Example
It might be really hard for you emotionally, but your kids are looking up to you. It's OK to be upset that you won't see them, but save a little face and let them know it's still going to be a happy, fun-filled holiday season.
Schedule a Therapy Consultation
The holiday blues are real, and having to share your kids with your ex probably won't help. If you're feeling really depressed or experiencing severe anxiety, try scheduling a therapy appointment to talk to a professional about how you can cope.
Pick and Choose the Battles With Your Ex
Your ex might let them eat candy for breakfast or let them play video games until 1 a.m. Remember that it's your ex's time with them during the holiday, so some of your parenting rules might go out the window. Unless it's a safety issue, try to bite your tongue.
Listen to Your Kids
Let your children know that you and your ex are here to talk to them about whatever feelings they have about the situation, and that you're both going to work together to make it as good as possible for them.
Avoid Bribery
Divorced parents can fall victim to playing good cop, bad cop. Don't bribe children with expensive toys or gifts into staying with you instead of your ex for the holiday.
Appreciate the Time You Have Together
They might drive you crazy, but it's times like this that make you realize just how much being with your kids mean to you. No matter when you have them during the holiday season, make each moment with them count.