Let's get one thing clear from the start: all moms are working moms. This sh*t is the hardest job I've ever had, for sure. But deciding whether you'll add to your full-time mom gig [1] with another out-of-the-house, paycheck receiving one can be tough. Perhaps even tougher is deciding to give up the one that gives you a paycheck and go all in on the never-ending snack-making, house-cleaning, child-rearing one.
I found myself in this very situation when I went back to work six months after the birth of my third baby. With three kids under five, the scheduling and the overwhelming childcare costs, plus the nagging feeling that I needed to be home, led me to the difficult decision to leave a job that I loved. I thought three rounds of maternity leave would have prepared me for SAHM life [2], but I was still caught off guard by some of the changes that our new normal brought.
Weekends Feel Different
If you and your partner have been working traditional weekday jobs, getting to the weekend is a fun change of pace when you can fully turn on family time and enjoy your kids. Sure, it's exhausting, but it's two precious days to soak up your little ones that you barely get to see during the week.
But when you've been home with them for five days already, the weekend can feel like working overtime. Yes, you want to be together as a full family, but you also want to escape to anywhere, for any amount of minutes, to be alone and recharge.
By the time Saturday afternoon hits, I am so ready to sneak out for a pedicure or really, to go anywhere outside of my house, by myself.
It's Harder to Stay Connected
When my actual job consisted of being on the internet for hours each day and included a whole commute to catch up on my phone, it was inevitable that I'd see the latest world news, hear about the ridiculous new teen challenge, or catch wind of the hottest clothing launch (looking at you POPSUGAR for Kohl's [4]).
But without being in the middle of office chatter and having time to scroll through my newsfeed, I can go days without knowing what everyone is talking about. News isn't exactly child-friendly programming, and last time I got deep into reading an article on my phone, my 2-year-old found markers and drew on my TV cabinet. So yeah, the occasional Instagram scroll is all that's connecting me to the outside world right now.
You Might Enjoy It More Than You Expect
All those memes of stressed out moms [5] on their twelfth cup of coffee, drinking wine at 4 p.m., or going to Starbucks just to talk to another adult are enough to make SAHM life seem pretty miserable.
And while I totally relate to those memes on another level now, I also find myself really enjoying my time at home. Maybe it's because I'm only a few months in, but I definitely didn't anticipate how much I'd get out of it — even with all the struggles [6].
You Still Need Childcare
Half the reason I left my job was to not have to worry about childcare. But it turns out, you still need help (at least until all your kids are in school, I hope!). Sure, you don't have to worry about coordinating nanny schedules with commute times, stress over who will watch your little ones on those random Mondays when preschool is closed, or frantically find backup when your baby wakes up with a fever, but if you want to get anything done or have any time for yourself (see point seven), you need, yup, childcare. And preschool half days barely count. To no SAHM mom's surprise, I'm still figuring this one out.
There Might Be a Shift in Your Relationship
Even a rock solid partnership will experience some growing pains when one partner makes such a big life change. Now that you're not both clocking in, it can be harder for whoever is still working to relate to what life is like for the one at home. Each party might have different expectations for how responsibilities are divided. Or the SAHM might just carry most of the weight at home like they did when they were working, just with less added stress (amirite?!). It's not necessarily negative, but it's a transition.
Keeping in Touch With Work Friends Is Tricky
Just being in the same room as the same people day in and day out makes forging and maintaining relationships pretty simple. And if you're lucky enough to really enjoy your colleagues, you might actually miss having them in your life on such a consistent basis. Sure, you can keep track of them on social media, but to keep the relationship going beyond that, you'll have to put in more effort than you ever had to before. And now that you have little humans in your constant care, that's a tall order.
There Is No Time For Yourself
Until you figure out point three, it is a real struggle to get any solo time. At least when I was working, I was alone on the train during my commute — those strangers I was smushed next to don't count since none of them ever asked me for snacks or to take them potty. I could squeeze a personal appointment in after work and before pickup, or I could take a glorious day off to do whatever the hell I wanted while my kids were still in full-time care. Now, I'm lucky if I can take a shower without interruption.
You Might Miss Work, but You Won't Miss Working
Working, is, well, work. And while you might miss some of the things that accompanied having a job like office happy hours or colleagues that became friends (see point six), you probably won't miss doing actual work. Not being tied to a schedule and not worrying about deadlines or reports or presentations immediately removes a whole chunk of stress from your life. Plus, you can stay in your PJs for a lot longer in the mornings.