Since shelter in place restrictions were implemented due to COVID-19, "me time [1]" has become a fantasy. Between working, homeschooling my four-year-old daughter [2], and losing the ability to lean on my village, sneaking away to do a sweaty yoga session or have a long chat with a friend over a glass of wine is simply not an option.
Many people warn moms that they can't pour from an empty cup [3], meaning that they should make sure that their needs are met before they can care for others. In my pre-COVID life, my cup was relatively full. I prioritized my needs and rarely got burnt out [4] because I knew it would make me a better mom. In my new reality, burn-out became very real. Perhaps it was the monotony of my days or the sheer exhaustion of trying to keep up with everything with no help, but I quickly felt like my proverbial cup was dry. Bottom line: I needed a breather.
On a sunny Thursday afternoon, I told my daughter that were skipping homeschool lessons and were not worrying about the overflowing hamper filed with dirty clothes. I put an out of office message on my work email, and I told my husband to pick up a pizza because the kitchen was closed. My daughter watched me like I was a crazy woman as I inflated a cute blow up pool [6] and placed it on our front lawn. I proceeded to throw on a bikini that I have not worn since before my daughter was born, mix a fruity cocktail [7] complete with a pineapple wedge garnish, and pour myself a bowl of chocolate covered pretzels. She followed me as I plopped myself in the middle of the pool, sipped my drink, and blasted music on my phone. When she asked me what I was doing, I told her that we were on vacation and could do whatever we wanted. I thought she'd request the iPad to watch YouTube videos, but instead to my surprise, she asked to join me. We got her in a bikini and she requested a "cocktail" (also known as a plastic wine glass filled with juice).
I know I should have felt concerned that my four year old asked for a drink that she called a cocktail at 2 P.M. on a Thursday, but it was my day off from caring about anything. She requested princess music and I refused. I was listening to what I wanted to, and I was not getting out of my front lawn pool oasis for anything short of an emergency. I was taking one afternoon to do exactly what I wanted to do. Selfish? Perhaps. Best parenting practice? Not at all. But I knew that I needed some time to take a step back [8].
Our quick dip in the pool turned into a full afternoon vacay. We giggled when the UPS delivery driver pulled up and made a face of utter confusion when he saw us acting like spring breakers on a weekday afternoon. We sang songs on the top of our lungs, ate way too many chocolate covered pretzels, and just chilled. Turns out, my daughter may have needed a pseudo-vacation too!
By the time my husband got home, I was all smiles (and no, it was not because of the one cocktail I enjoyed). I was relaxed and ready to get back to my responsibilities. My daughter survived having one afternoon not be all about her, we were fine eating pizza instead of a balanced home-cooked meal, and the laundry eventually got folded.
It may require some creativity, but taking a time-out [10] is something that I think every parent should do during these challenging times. It may look different for every family — I'm lucky that my work can wait for an afternoon and that my girl is unfussy and easy-to-please – but finding ways to take a mental break is important. You don't need a fancy staycation at five-star resort, just create some space to take a breath, whatever that may look like.