We Have Sex With Our Baby in the Room Because There's No Other Way to Do It
If you have a new baby like I do, then you probably empathize with how I spend every waking (and nonwaking) moment with him. He watches me shower. I hold him while I eat. I brush my teeth with him in a bouncer next to me. While I'm writing this, he's in his car seat, snoozing peacefully, about a millimeter away. He also sleeps next to the bed I share with my husband, which means we have zero private time. So, once in a while, things — ahem — happen, and our son is right there. He would be able to hear and see everything, if he weren't fast asleep, not to mention completely unaware of what's going on, since he's 3 months old.
I refuse to buy into any theory that says we're scarring him on some deep level and he'll somehow recover this repressed childhood trauma when he's older.
That fact that he's too little to know the difference is why I don't feel even remotely guilty when my husband and I have sex with him in the room. I mean, it's not like he understands what sex is anyway. He's not even awake while we're doing it! And I refuse to buy into any theory that says we're scarring him on some deep level and he'll somehow recover this repressed childhood trauma when he's older. He poops in his pants and tries to eat his fist, so I don't see him making any lasting memories right now.
I also feel that if he knew what we were doing, he could hardly object. My love for my husband is how he came into existence in the first place. Consider, too, that his parents are two responsible adults in a committed relationship. What better example could we be setting for our son in terms of what a healthy sex life should look like?
Beyond the psychological reasons, let's talk logistics. We don't have any help. So it's not as if we can ship him off to Grandma's house and have a date night; Grandma lives several states away. And we aren't rich celebrities who can afford a team of people to pitch in. It's just us, doing our best to carve out a few minutes to remember we're husband and wife, not just parents.
Bottom line: isn't it safer to be right there in the room with our little guy on the rare occasion we get busy (because most nights I just pass out from exhaustion) so we can make sure he's OK? The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends room-sharing with your baby until they are 1-year-old. Should we wait until then to have sex? Once our son is old enough to know his elbow from his nose, we won't do it anywhere near him. For now, I feel no shame about the few times his dad and I get frisky mere feet from his bassinet.