20 Thoughts Every Mother of a Child on the Spectrum Has Had

I have three kids. All of my kids make me wonder things. My youngest is autistic, and more often than not, my thoughts go to a very different place. I try very hard to find the humor and silver lining in our daily trials, but sometimes it just sucks. Autism sucks. Here are 20 thoughts that have frequently traveled through my mind.

  1. Did I do something to make you this way?
  2. Why does everyday have to be so tough?
  3. Will this ever get any easier?
  4. Who doesn't like socks? I love wearing socks.
  5. Who doesn't like underwear? I mean, we are all supposed to wear underwear right?
  6. Maybe the diagnosis is wrong.
  7. Maybe someone can fix him.
  8. I need him to sleep. He never sleeps, and I am so tired.
  9. I can try that new diet I read about and take all the food dyes out, but that seems like a lot of work. I wonder if it would be worth it.
  10. It is hard enough to worry about a kid with no issues; this is freaking exhausting.
  11. Go ahead and stare at my kid as he screams in the store. You have no idea what our life is like.
  12. Will he get married?
  13. Will he always need me?
  14. What happens when I'm gone?
  15. He is hilarious. I wonder if he knows how funny he is.
  16. How did I get so lucky to get this little dude?
  17. I couldn't love him anymore; he fills up my heart.
  18. They keep talking about medicating my son, maybe they should medicate me.
  19. Tomorrow is a new day.
  20. You can't fix what isn't broken. So I guess I will keep doing what I'm doing and know that he was made exactly the way he was supposed to be.

Being a parent is the most difficult job on the planet. Not many people would argue that. However, being a parent to a child with special needs takes the game to a whole new level. Each day brings new surprises and trials. Each day brings disaster and hope. Each day is a good day, because we are still alive to enjoy it.

So as a parent to both "normal" and "special-needs" children, I say it is OK to have these thoughts and keep my head held high. It's OK to be tired, mad, sad, frazzled, happy, emotional, overjoyed, and anything else I come across while on my journey through the spectrum.