17 Reasons My Daughter Was Late For School This Morning

I'm usually a stickler for arriving at school on time, if not a few minutes early. My 4.5-year-old daughter's preschool doesn't start until 9 a.m., and her younger brother usually wakes us before the sun's up, so seriously, it doesn't seem to be asking that much. Her teacher often sends email reminders to us moms that late arrivals disrupt the class and compromise their already painfully short schedule, but I know they aren't directed at me. Whether my punctuality is a genetic trait or a learned one, I'm not sure, but you'll rarely find me or my kids tardy . . . until today. Dear teacher, let me tell you a little about our morning to give you 17 reasons why.

  1. Drag daughter out of bed at 8 a.m. Apparently, a devilish combo of monsters and scorpions invaded her bedroom around 1 a.m., and she wanted her dad to investigate. At 5 a.m., they came back, hence the exhaustion.
  2. Daughter wants to dress Monster High, despite never seeing the show (thanks, YouTube). Her interpretation: a silver tank top and black skirt. It's two degrees outside.
  3. Daughter decides all of her pants feel "weird" because they have "lines." Requests that I find a pair of pants without a single seam, and no, tights and a skirt will not be acceptable.
  4. Daughter requests that I pick out three outfit options for her. Rejects them all. Three more? Those are "hideous," too. Eventually she pulls out a Target t-shirt and a pair of leggings she's had so long they've become capris. Past the point of caring, I tell her as long as she adds a cardigan, it's fine.
  5. It seems underwear feels weird, too. After trying four different pairs, she requests to "go commando," sparking a lengthy conversation about how few social situations are underwear-optional.
  6. Daughter tries on every single pair of her socks and decides she hates them all. Wants that one pair of Easter socks, size 12-24 months, that she wore yesterday. Can I just wash them now?
  7. Daughter discovers the manicure our babysitter gave her yesterday has a chip. Requests that I remove nail polish and repaint them all in a new color, right now.
  8. While I'm explaining to daughter why the manicure has to wait and why long sleeves and pants are essential during a Midwestern January, her little brother heads to her play kitchen and dumps the bucket of 200+ pieces of play food all over her room, then tries to eat them. I guess it's breakfast time.
  9. Daughter can't decide whether she wants Cheerios, a bagel, or waffles, so she decides that I should make her all three. Plus, she really wants an apple with peanut butter and ice cream. Her brother forages in the pantry for his own breakfast and comes out with a bag of flour. You can guess what happened next.
  10. I gave daughter the wrong sippy cup. I'm a monster.
  11. She wants a big girl glass of milk with a crazy straw. Two minutes later, spills glass of milk all over the floor.
  12. Daughter wants her hair in two pigtails . . . no, in one big ponytail . . . no, just a headband.
  13. Have to remind daughter for the 100th time that she's required to wear gym shoes to school, and no, those Wonder Woman boots don't count.
  14. Ten minutes later, still haven't decided on a pair of shoes.
  15. Halfway out the door and detect a weird smell. Yep, that's little brother's diaper.
  16. Halfway to school, realize forgot daughter's coat at home (she won't wear hers in the car). Debate whether it's worth turning around, but again, it's two degrees out. Back we go.
  17. Finally, arrive at school and yell at daughter that we have to hurry inside. "But first mom, let's tell some jokes." Honey, this whole morning feels like one big one!