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Wedding Dress Etiquette

Wedding Dress Dilemma!

A friend of mine who just got engaged needs our help. Here's the situation: this Ines di Santo Spring/Summer '06 dress she's madly in love with is completely sold out, everywhere. I have yet to be a bride, but I can imagine the horror of learning your dream dress is forever unavailable — sigh. There is one tiny morsel of hope; a distant friend wore the same wedding dress a couple years ago . . .

But the question is: Is it wrong to ask someone to borrow their wedding dress? My inkling is yes — what if they're not the same size and alterations need to be made? What about sheer sentimental value? — but I'm not totally up on wedding etiquette. What do you say?


Join The Conversation
Ambiepony Ambiepony 7 years
If she doesn't feel comfortable asking to wear it on the day, why not ask if she can try it on to make sure it looks good on her? Then she'd be able to try finding it on the internet without taking as much of a risk by not having worn it before. Or, she could ask to borrow it to bring to a dressmaker to do something similar. While I guess I can see why someone wouldn't feel comfortable letting someone wear it on the day, I can't imagine someone not willing to help in either of those ways!
aubrey214 aubrey214 7 years If I had been able to get mine there, I would have.
ren_kr ren_kr 7 years
yea, I agree with all the comments about going to a designer or tailor to replicate something similar...that way in the process, they can tweak areas to make it look super awesome on your friend!
Drewsfan Drewsfan 7 years
No problem, Fab. I'm happy I was able to help!
Fashion Fashion 7 years
You're awesome, Drewsfan. My friend will appreciate it! Thanks! Xo.
chocokitty chocokitty 7 years
i don't see what the problem is. it's just a dress you wear for one day but if she is going to do alteration, i think she should offer to buy it not borrow it.
Asche Asche 7 years
Yes, weird. Totally weird.
lunchetta lunchetta 7 years
wedding dresses are personal and unique. i doubt that she will be enjoying her day wearing a friend's dress. plus, there are hundreds of beautiful wedding dresses. i think she can find another dress just as pretty, maybe even more.
kismekate kismekate 7 years
No way jose!
suitcasegnome suitcasegnome 7 years
There's no harm in asking! My mother wore a wedding dress borrowed from a friend, and I plan to give my own wedding dress away after the wedding. Why let it collect dust when it could bring someone else joy?
Shannolyn Shannolyn 7 years
I don't think I would mind giving the dress to a friend...but I could never ask. The dress owner should be the one to make the offer in that situation if they're feeling helpful and generous. Asking outright seems a bit much. However I agree this issue seems solved much more simply and effectively by the ideas already presented here--a good seamstress/dressmaker, ebay or a little more research.
domino2728 domino2728 7 years
no way. There are a lot of beautiful dresses out there. She could even have a tailor make one for her. I wouldn't let anyone except for my daughter borrow my dress. She needs to figure out another option if she really wants this dress. Maybe borrow the friends dress and ask a tailor to duplicate it or make one very similar in her fabric choices.
Pop-Champagne Pop-Champagne 7 years
it's just a dress... besides the friend has the right to say no. go to a tailor and make another one similar to it if she really wants that dress but honestly it's just a dress!
SAshley96 SAshley96 7 years
I just received the preowned wedding dress I purchased in the mail yesterday and I love it! There are a couple issues here. A lot of this depends on how close of friends they are. Personally, I would not feel comfortable borrowing a dress from someone and unless they are the exact same size it would need to be altered. Her best bet would be to see if the friend is willing to sell the dress. Maybe she has been considering already. Honestly, that is a lot of dress. She may not even like it on her.
kaitxo kaitxo 7 years
Find a custom dress maker. An experienced dress maker would be able to replicate the dress from photos. Or, you could ask the friend who owns the dress if it could be borrowed only to be used for the dress maker to use as for the dimensions and fabric reference. But it looks like Drewsfan may have found the best solution.
Drewsfan Drewsfan 7 years
I found another one here: for $265. I found them by doing a google search for 'Ines Di Santo' Evita. I'd also do a little research on the companies before buying a dress from them and check on their return policy, etc. just in case even with all the measurements they ask for that it's still returnable if it doesn't fit or look right, though you can probably get someone to alter it.
Drewsfan Drewsfan 7 years
I found the dress here: for $285. As far as borrowing the dress goes, I personally would do anything I could to help someone's dreams come true. I can see how someone would feel awkward, especially a 'distant' friend, but considering how she was a bride herself, she probably understands the situation. I don't see how it could hurt to ask, myself. The worst thing that could happen is that she would say no. I'd explain to her that you understand if she doesn't want to loan it out.
Edie-J-Blige Edie-J-Blige 7 years
yeah i think that's a bit faux-paux to ask to borrow the dress from anyone but a family member. But I agree with Post 17, she should def just bring a pic of it to a dressmaker. One of my best friends found a Vera Wang she loved and had a dressmaker do it and it ended up costing her only $300!. You have to find one you trust and it is a lot of back and forth for alterations but it could be a really good option for her if her heart is set on that dress.
anaantunes anaantunes 7 years
She should look for it on ebay. My firend found the most amazing wedding dress on ebay. Lots of people don't want to hold on to their dresses so.... This way she doesn't need to borrow from someone else and she can do all the alterations she needs
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