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Advice Needed on Husband Gaining Weight

Weigh In: My Husband Is Gaining Weight

Help a fellow FitSugar reader out. Her hubby used to be active, but now, not so much.

Dear Fit,
Before we got married, my husband and I used to exercise together all the time. We belonged to the same gym, played tennis on the weekends, hiked with our dogs, and were even on a co-ed volleyball team. Our wedding was almost a year ago, and since then, his exercise schedule is just about non-existent. When I ask him to join me on a run or walk or anything physical, he just says he doesn't feel like it. I thought it was just a phase, but it's been almost a year and I'm noticing he's gained a slight tire around his middle. I want us to live a long, healthy life together, so how can I get him back on the workout bandwagon without seeming pushy?
—Worried Wife

If you have any experience with this, or any suggestions, please share them in the comment section below.

Image Source: Getty
Join The Conversation
SillyGirl SillyGirl 7 years
Plan a vacation 6 months out that requires lots of swimsuits like hawaii or mexico - or any other beach oriented vacation. If he used to work out, thinking about wearing a swimsuit might help him realize how his body has changed. In my experience, pointing out weight gain or pushing to exercise can lead to frustration and lower self-esteem, which makes it harder to lose the weight. He has gotta decide to do it on his own. So perhaps just providing an incentive will push him in the right direction. If he doesnt get there by the vacation, then take pictures in bathing suits and put one in a frame. Dont point out the weight gain though - just let him see it for himself. I think sex can also be helpful. You dont have to threaten - just reward. If he comes back from the gym after a good workout, jump on him and tell him he looks sexy when he is all sweaty and give him some lovin.
Zulkey Zulkey 7 years
I find that sometimes I'm just flat-out annoyed that my husband skips the gym or drinks weeknight beers because I can't do so without consequences. I get the urge to nag him about it but I try to keep it in check because I know how awful it is to be nagged about that stuff. If however he gets to the point where his clothes don't fit (doesn't seem to be a danger anytime soon) i can just make it an economic thing--we can't afford a new wardrobe for you, so let's go work out!
Modus-Vivendi Modus-Vivendi 7 years
Good point, Glowing Moon. I would think getting more action would be a good motivator!
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 7 years
Talk to him gently about it. Let him decide what he wants to do. When it comes to this, you can only lead a horse to water, you can't make him drink. Sadly, you can't exercise for him, and you can't eat healthy for him. Only he could do that for himself. Thankfully, my husband and I maintain ourselves in good shape. We've been together for over 10 years, and we're told we still look like newlyweds. I must confess I've had a very honest discussion with my husband about this. While I spoke gently to him, I was very blunt with my words. I filtered nothing. I wanted him to know my position in no uncertain terms. :) Basically, I told my husband I wanted him to stay in shape for health AND appearance reasons. Health-wise, the reasons are obvious, so I don't need to explain. On the other hand, appearance is ALSO important to me because I'm a visual person. I just am. I am most sexually aroused by a fit person (visually), not someone out-of-shape, fat and sloppy. If he ever lets himself go, it would kill my sexual appetite. There would be no sex (as I wouldn't be able to muster the desire). I would be unhappy (and so would he). :) With that said, I keep myself in good shape, too. I do it for me, and trust me, my husband appreciates it, too. I simply asked he does the same (for him AND for us). So far, we've lived up to our agreement. Thank goodness.
DivaDivine DivaDivine 7 years
You could mention ONCE that you're concerned with the weight he's putting on and his new sedentary lifestyle. There could be more going on than you realize that's shutting down his fit drive (or he could feel that now he can relax because he's already got the girl). Either way, try to keep yummy nutritious foods in the house so he can't do too much harm. When he's ready to lose, he will--hopefully before it's too late.
cherryblossom cherryblossom 7 years
I am so sorry this is going to sound blunt, but if you REALLY have a love thats worth is weight in salt then just tell him to his face rather than rambling on the internet looking for love advice, im sure he wont mind you telling him that you want to live a long healthy life together. Seriously sometimes i dont know whats wrong with people, the simplest answers are right in front of your face, if you have something to say to your signifigant other just say it, if they dont accept it, or get so mad they leave you, were they really right for you to begin with?
syako syako 7 years
If you guys didn't talk about this before marriage, perhaps now is the time. Before we even got engaged my husband and I talked about how when we got married it was not time to "let go" and stop "impressing" one another. We both decided that we would always remain healthy, in shape, and encourage one another to do so and be supportive. The first thing you can do is to make sure both of you are eating healthily. If hubby suggests ordering Chinese out, then you can suggest making him a stir fry (which are very easy to make). Buy a lot of fruits and veggies for the house, and when the two of you are lounging, instead of getting a bowl of chips, bring out a bowl of grapes or baby carrots. If you don't already cook, buy some healthy-eating cookbooks and start making some healthy dinners. This is something the both of you can do and you could turn it into "let's learn to cook together." Activity-wise, just keep inviting him. Also, you should sign up for a co-ed team and ask him to join it with you. If he doesn't join, you should religiously attend the practices and games and ask him to come watch you play every time. It might get him motivated seeing you be so dedicated and having fun with your teammates. Also, plan a vacation where the main activities will be hiking, kayaking, rafting etc (maybe Colorado or some other mountainous spot). Doing these active things on vacay might inspire him to continue when you get home. Finally, talk to him and find out if there's some type of sport or activity that he's always wanted to try. Maybe it's mountain biking, for example, then the two of you can go together and buy (or rent) a mountain bike and start riding trails together. Ultimately, it might just be a rut, but it also might be that he's "letting go." Either way, I think it's totally fine for you to sit down with him and discuss this. Just look at it like talking about finances or something else that isn't fun, but is a necessary part of being married.
hiptobesquare hiptobesquare 7 years
I think that we all go through periods where we exercise and when we don't - maybe suggest some new ideas, a wii fit, or canoeing. Also, changing a few little things in your diets may help, so if you decide that you're going to eat, for example, low sodium, then he will probably be eating that food too.
darc5204 darc5204 7 years
Actually, HelloKittyMini could have a point. Usually, when someone naturally athletic stops exercising and starts to gain, they aren't very happy about it. Someone who enjoyed hiking and co-ed volleyball probably wasn't just working out to impress girls, meaning marriage makes it unnecessary. Consider whether he seems more stressed and approach the issue accordingly. Also, try to interest him in athletic activities you know he enjoys (even if they aren't your favorite). And don't mention the spare tire.
Miss-Liquorice Miss-Liquorice 7 years
It depends on why you're concerned about this. Like others have said, it could be concern for his health or a vanity issue, but it could also be that you're disappointed that he's not wanting to spend time with you. If it's a vanity issue, there's not much to suggest. Other than gentle prodding that he's sexier with a bit more definition. Health reasons, you could start talking about articles you've read about fitness benefits, and sharing with him your dream of being 80 and sat at the beach together hand in hand and healthy enough to do it. If it's the not-doing-stuff-with-you thing, why not ask him if there are any hobbies of his you could take up? It's give and take, and maybe it won't be quite long runs and going to the gym, but it will bring you closer and he may be more willing to do the fitness stuff with you.
Spectra Spectra 7 years
I'm dealing with the same thing, too. Since we've gotten married 4 years ago, my husband has gained about 30 lbs. When we were dating, he wasn't active but he had a more physical job and he was doing a lot of farm work to stay in pretty good shape. Once he got a desk job, he really gained the weight rather quickly. I've tried to convince him to walk with me, but I've found that I can't push him too hard too fast. We'll be walking for about a mile and he starts complaining that his legs are tired, so we're working up gradually to a more strenuous workout. I try to cook healthy stuff for him to eat, but truthfully he doesn't eat vegetables. The only veggies he'll eat are broccoli, corn, potatoes and onions, so I've had to be creative and find ways to sneak veggies into his diet. I'm mostly concerned about his health, not his appearance, which is what I focus on when I bring it up to him. Still, it kind of sucks that I try to stay in good shape for him yet he doesn't feel the need to "try" anymore to look good for me. So yeah, you aren't alone...good luck!
RoaringSilence RoaringSilence 7 years
I'm afraid my husband will do the same thing when he gets out of the army. I don't agree with HelloKittyMini, to me it sounds more likely that he doesn't feel the need to pay attention to his appearance any more now that he's married. It's sad, but some people feel like that. Maybe you two have a friend who's really good at motivating people, and who's someone your husband would listen to? Then that person should talk to him. Good luck with whatever you come up with!
HelloKittyMini HelloKittyMini 7 years
Sounds like more maybe going on. Has he stopped doing other activities that he used to enjoy? I think you should try to talk to him about his overall happiness and how he is doing. Maybe the transition from dating to marriage has been tough for him and he needs support.
Retro23 Retro23 7 years
If it's a health concern, tell him. If it's a superficial phys-appearance concern, keep it to yourself.
Poppie Poppie 7 years
Confront him about it tell him your concerns jus be completely honest, ask him how he would feel if u started to gain weight.
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