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What's Your Advice For Handling an Unsupportive Partner?

What's Your Advice For Handling an Unsupportive Partner?

You guys are always giving great advice to fellow users and this time we've got another question that could use everyone's help.

Hey Fit,
I've recently decided that I want to lose a few pounds by joining a gym and cutting out unhealthy foods, but the problem is that my boyfriend is being not being supportive at all. Every time I say I am going to the gym he says, "Come on, let's just hang out and watch TV." Or when we're going out to eat and I suggest a healthy restaurant he says he wants a real meal. He is always telling me that he likes me the way I am, which is nice, but I'd like a little support here. How can I get him to see my side? Or better yet, get healthy with me?
—Boyfriended Brandy

When my husband tries to pull stunts like that I say, "Honey, you can either join me or fight me, but you're not going to change my mind." Then he usually just feels bad, throws on his sneakers, and we head out for a run. Maybe you've been in a similar situation with a boyfriend, best friend, or husband? Even if not, let's hear all your great advice for a fellow user on the quest for health (and love) in the comments section below.


Join The Conversation
ilovecandyfloss ilovecandyfloss 9 years
Agree fully with the first two ladies. I think that is just awful - it must be so hard for you that he's not being supportive of you on this! Maybe he needs to be reassured about something, boys can get insecure about the silliest things. Hope it all works out, and remember, your health is most important :)
Allytta Allytta 9 years
the same with my friends. they think i'm blind or something, i'm 30 pounds overweight and they tell me i'm fine without gyma nd i look great. as if gym is only for losing weight...
Ster Ster 9 years
Girliegurl, I like that attitude! We're on the same path in life or we're not. And if we're not, then get out of the way. Or at least stand by the path waving some pompoms :-)
girliegurl65 girliegurl65 9 years
Losing weight isn't only for the esthetic value, its a conscientious decision to feel better and to look the way you feel. My boyfriend is very supportive of me. I basically sat him down and said that if he wasn't going to help me then we weren't going to work. In the end, i always come first, i never want to put my goals and my happiness on hold because some man can't support me. I wanted to adapt to a healthier way of life and if that wasn't what he wanted then he wasn't the man i was going to share it with. In the end, its about you. I've learned that the best thing a woman can do for herself is be independent. Cold harsh truth is if he isn't willing to help you, "he's just not that into you".
jessie jessie 9 years
i think mine has a secret fear of me getting thinner...i might getter more confident, more self esteem and leave. but i won't. sometimes he trys to sabatoge me on a diet. makes me mad, but i can see his side of it. but i continue to make myself healthier while continuelly telling him that no matter what he'll always be my hottie! :) it will always be ongoing, but we work with it.
sudenmorsian sudenmorsian 9 years
My bf never exercises with me and sometimes makes fun of the fitness videos I'm doing (he eats happily the healthy food I make, though).. but that's when I say to myself how fit I'll be and how I can make fun of _him_ looking like Homer :P
lolababy575 lolababy575 9 years
I would have a hard time sticking with someone who did not support my personal efforts to keep myself healthy. Of course, with fitness and health there's a continuum from not caring at all to being fanatical about it. As long as your fitness and health efforts are within reason anyone close to you should be supportive - boyfriends, friends, family, etc.
Spectra Spectra 9 years
Yeah, I'm married to the biggest couch potato in the universe and even though he doesn't actively TRY to be a bad influence, he usually is. We've learned to compromise though...I work out at home so he can hang out and watch TV in the other room while I'm working out and I always take one day off of working out on the weekend so I can hang out with him. When we eat out, we try to pick a place that offers both healthy options AND "meat and potatoes" so we both get what we want. The thing is, even though he sort of thinks it's a pain that I work out and want to eat healthy, he really appreciates the end result of it all.
ms660bk ms660bk 9 years
main point though, is that if you are doing something good for yourself, he needs to be supportive. friends (and boyfriends) should make you want to be better.
ms660bk ms660bk 9 years
ahhh - Kristin and Mandee hit it right on the dot.
msjean msjean 9 years
Glad to hear I'm not alone. My husband is the biggest anti-fitness demon in my life. He refuses to eat healthy himself or as a couple, refuses to do any of his own exercise and actively tries to persuade me not to either. Obviously one has to (as Fitsugar advises) just buck up and steer one's own course, but it's such a drag and my husband's inertia seems stronger than my own momentum.
tsp tsp 9 years
i agree with everyone so far. wanted to add my own take, too. my husband is supportive of my exercising, and will often join in, but we have very different nutritional requirements. i exercise, but he is a competitive cyclist, so he just needs MORE. Lots more. we've finally settled into a good routine where i can cook what works for me, and maybe throw in a brown rice, or an oven pizza to help him make up the carbs and calories he needs. i don't really cook the pastas or lasagne's that i used to for him, but he's expressed that he's appreciative of the healthier foods i've been making and my attempts to really balance the proteins we eat with lots of fruits and veggies. he says he feels better and i know i do. when we go out to eat, we mix it up a lot. i can honestly say there is something "healthy" on the menu for me just about maybe taking turns picking the restaurant would work for you guys. he can go somewhere to get a "real" meal and you can just choose wisely from that menu...and next time you get to pick. good luck!
justanerd1975 justanerd1975 9 years
Kristin and Dana gave such good advice, all I have left to say is Good Luck and, You Go, Girl!!
Dana18 Dana18 9 years
I agree with you fitsugar, She must do want is right for her. He has to join her or wait on the sidelines.
MandeeLei MandeeLei 9 years
It's nice that he wants to spend time with her but he needs to value and respect things that are important to her. Just as you put it, he can either be apart of her lifestyle change or he can be supportive of her decision to do it. Compromise by making plans to watch a movie or TV after she gets done working out.
Francoisehardly Francoisehardly 9 years
I agree with the previous answer.
Kristinh1012 Kristinh1012 9 years
There could be so many reasons why he's reacting that way. Jealous, scared you'll look better and want some HOTTER guy, or that you will want him to join. But anyway, just tell him even though HE's happy with the way you are, you are not. Explain to him that you would to feel comfortable with yourself and a boost in confidence may make things......Better for HIM also. reassure him that you aren't going to go out and get a new body and leave him in the dust. Good luck meeting your goal and with your Man!
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