My Thirst Has Henceforth Been Quenched by These Oiled-Up Olympic Flag Bearers
This just in: there's a body oil shortage in Tokyo, all thanks to Riilio Rii and Pita Taufatofua. The Vanuatuan and Tongan flag bearers, respectively, waltzed into the Olympics opening ceremony with their shirtless, oiled-up bodies on full display, rivaling the tantalizing sheen of a fresh glazed doughnut. You may recognize Pita's name from past Olympic Games, as he showed off his abs while representing Tonga in both Rio de Janeiro and Pyeongchang, but this year, he was joined by Riilio, a rower and newcomer to the delicate art of opening ceremony thirst-trapping.
Upon catching a glimpse at both of their half-clothed appearances, I urgently needed to know more details. First and foremost, who was responsible for slathering their bodies in oil? How do I apply for their job before the 2024 Olympics in Paris? Approximately how many bottles of oil were emptied in the making of this moment, and what brand of oil do each of them prefer? I may never acquire the answers to these highly pressing inquiries, but at least I have the photos to admire. Join me in the drool fest by reading ahead for all the sexy snaps.