My Thirst Has Henceforth Been Quenched by These Oiled-Up Olympic Flag Bearers
This just in: there's a body oil shortage in Tokyo, all thanks to Riilio Rii and Pita Taufatofua. The Vanuatuan and Tongan flag bearers, respectively, waltzed into the Olympics opening ceremony with their shirtless, oiled-up bodies on full display, rivaling the tantalizing sheen of a fresh glazed doughnut. You may recognize Pita's name from past Olympic Games, as he showed off his abs while representing Tonga in both Rio de Janeiro and Pyeongchang, but this year, he was joined by Riilio, a rower and newcomer to the delicate art of opening ceremony thirst-trapping.
Upon catching a glimpse at both of their half-clothed appearances, I urgently needed to know more details. First and foremost, who was responsible for slathering their bodies in oil? How do I apply for their job before the 2024 Olympics in Paris? Approximately how many bottles of oil were emptied in the making of this moment, and what brand of oil do each of them prefer? I may never acquire the answers to these highly pressing inquiries, but at least I have the photos to admire. Join me in the drool fest by reading ahead for all the sexy snaps.
Oh, the things I'd do to be in one of those empty stadium seats to admire this view from the back.
How does that old saying go? "The more shirtless flag bearers at the opening ceremony, the better," right?
This photo will be ingrained in my head for all of eternity.
I typically avoid all men who wear flip-flops, but I'd gladly make an exception for Riilio.
Excuse me, Pita? I have a wheel of cheese that needs some grating. Mind if I use your abs to get the job done?
Excuse me while I make this my new laptop background.
*dabs sweat from forehead, chugs glass of water*
Riilio could've at least warned us before pulling this move. I needed a minimum of two business days to mentally prepare.
If only I were there on the scene to run into his arms.
If you need me, you can find me marking Riilio and Pita's Olympic events in my calendar, so I can tune in and cheer them on.