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Bad Wine Descriptors

Let's Dish: What Wine Descriptions Make You Cringe?

Recently, I found myself at a swanky wine bar in Los Angeles. While I was engrossed in the long list of varietals on the menu, I couldn't help but notice the words that described the wines: nude, provocative, luscious, opulent, succulent, ravishing, voluptuous, decadent. They sounded like something straight out of a romance novel, and I was totally into it! However, this isn't always the case in the wine world. Often times experts and publications can be pretentious, stuffy, and down right cringe-worthy. I'd be happy if I never hear the words mouthfeel, ripe, and finesse again. What about you? Which wine descriptors make absolutely no sense to you?

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deborama deborama 6 years
Many years ago when I was a server, I made up a pretentious description that my customers loved: " It's a perky little Pinot Noir, begging for discipline yet yearning to run free. Needs to spanked and spanked often!"
dleighl dleighl 6 years
Earthy - I've never understood how something tasting like dirt can be a good thing.
jkeais jkeais 6 years
Every year a local restaurant holds a May Day event where you get to taste specials and wine with each item. The chef and sommelier are there to describe everything. The sommelier presented one wine, an Australian Chardonnay (I don't remember the vineyard/cellar) and said the "experts" in Australia used the descriptor "cat piss". And it was not meant to be derogatory. After we all a good chuckle, I decided then and there to ignore the descriptors and drink what I liked.
Julia-Millay-Walsh Julia-Millay-Walsh 6 years
"dirty"
bluesarahlou bluesarahlou 6 years
I tend to not look at descriptions of wine...partly because the reasons everyone has listed...but also because I don't want to be told what to smell/taste. I'd rather use my own senses and come to my own conclusions about what I'm tasting.
hex913 hex913 6 years
Believe it or not I've see descriptions that include the words "flirty" and "frisky." We're not talking about a potential date here people! We're talking about wine! Jeez!
lauren lauren 6 years
Oh barnyard I would hate that!!!
llendril llendril 6 years
I was going to post "barnyard" as well! I tried a Pinotage with that description and, well, it was spot on. Turned me off of Pinotage completely.
benheld benheld 6 years
Sexy. I hate it when food or wine is described as sexy. A real turn-off, no pun intended.
susanec susanec 6 years
"Barnyard" Um, okay, not sure I want to have that flavor.
Susannah-Chen Susannah-Chen 6 years
That was for a 2009 Slanghoek Chenin Blanc.
Susannah-Chen Susannah-Chen 6 years
I actually took a picture of a wine description that was so absurd I had to remember it: "A fresh-scented nerborn babe swaddled in freshly laundered linen, baptized in a tropical rite of papal-blessed passion-fruit, holy palm fronds and morning sea-foam"
dreamalittledream dreamalittledream 6 years
Woody. I think 'oaky' sounds better-but either way, the idea of a tree-flavored wine is NOT appetizing-even though it's my favorite type of red wine!
onlysourcherry onlysourcherry 6 years
my parents had a friend who was extra pretentious, and we used to make fun of him saying "It's quizzical, yet decisive." On the other side, my boyfriend and I once had a bartender at a really nice wine bar describe a number of wines as "ballsy", which we found hilarious at the time but has now become one of our wine descriptors.
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