The pandemic changed everything, including social norms around how to behave when you're sick (or just afraid you might be sick [1]). Some long-held courtesies still apply — sneeze into your elbow; don't show up to a birthday party when you're clearly contagious [2] — but there are some new rules of conduct too. And people have opinions — strong ones — about proper sickness etiquette. To help you parse this updated landscape, we attempted to spell out what's considered polite or rude in regards to illness.

To come up with these points of decorum, we asked coworkers to weigh in on real-life scenarios. We couldn't address every possible situation you might encounter, but we attempted to give guidance for the most common experiences people have. We also ran the results of our mini-survey by PS Council [3] member Andrea C. Love [4], PhD, who helped flag anything that clashed with the actual best practices of hygiene and safety.

Together, we were able to draw up 15 basic rules for modern-day sickness etiquette. Some of them may seem like common sense, while others might be considered more controversial. But that's to be expected — what etiquette guide doesn't inspire some passionate discourse?

Experts Featured in This Article

Andrea Love [5], PhD, is a biomedical scientist and award-winning science communicator with over a decade and a half of expertise in infectious diseases, cancer, and immunology.

Sickness Etiquette in Social Situations

• When you're starting to feel sick: If you have plans to meet up with a friend and you're feeling a little under the weather, it's polite to let the friend know ASAP and let them decide if they're still down to see you — even if you're eager to keep your plans. If you begin feeling sick after spending time with a friend, text them to let them know. It's also a good idea to take an at-home COVID test so you can tell people you've recently seen whether or not they're at risk of COVID specifically.
• When you're getting over an illness: If you're recovering from an illness, you should tell anyone you're planning to see that you've been sick (until you're totally symptom-free) — even if you feel confident you're no longer contagious.
• When you sound sick: When you know you don't have a contagious illness but you sound sick (due to seasonal allergies [6], for instance), it's polite to explain to people you see in person that you're not at risk of getting them sick.
• When you've been exposed to COVID: When someone you recently hung out with says they just tested positive for COVID, you should tell anyone you saw since then that you've been exposed (as well as anyone you were planning to see in the next few days). This is a good rule whether you have symptoms or not, and you should consider taking an at-home test even if you don't feel under the weather. The FDA [7] recommends testing yourself five full days after being exposed to COVID. If you're negative, the CDC suggests re-testing 48 hours later to confirm. The FDA also suggests testing before visiting any high-risk individuals, just to be safe.
• When you're trying to avoid getting sick: It's OK to ask friends if they feel at all under the weather before you see them, especially if you have a big event coming up that you can't miss, or a pre-existing health condition. (You don't have to explain why you're asking.) When your friend offers you a bite of their meal or a sip of their drink, it's also not rude to ask if they're sick before accepting. "There are other things besides respiratory illnesses that can be transmitted too," Dr. Love says.
• When you're hosting an event: If you're hosting an event such as a wedding or kid's birthday party, it's fine to include a line on the invite that says something to the effect of "If you're feeling under the weather, please stay home."

Masking Etiquette

• For explaining your mask: You never have to explain why you're wearing a mask [8] — whether it's because you're immunocompromised, trying to avoid getting sick, or trying not to pass along germs to others. Should the topic come up, however, most people we spoke to said it's polite to explain. "We should try to start normalizing mask-wearing for whatever reason the person has," Dr. Love says. "[It's] very considerate."
• For being in public while sick: If you get sick just before you're supposed to leave for vacation, it's not rude to go anyway — but you should take precautions such as masking if you're taking public transportation like a plane. In general, if you're sick — or think you might be getting sick — and you have to go out, you should wear a mask in public spaces, including public transportation. "Also worth noting: try to limit public exposures if you can avoid them. For example, if you have the ability to order delivery groceries instead of going to a store," Dr. Love adds. "Not always possible, of course."
• For commenting on others' masks (or lack thereof): The people we spoke to agreed that you can offer a mask to someone else, but only if it's someone you know or someone who's said they're sick. If you're ever in doubt, mask up yourself instead. Likewise, you can tell people you know that they're masking incorrectly. When it comes to strangers, though, it's better (and probably safer) to just mask up yourself if you're concerned about their improper masking.

Workplace Sickness Etiquette

• For sick days: Obviously, working while sick is not required. If you need rest, you should take it. "We live in a society where the 'hustle' culture is often to our detriment. Even if your illness is mild, your immune system fights best when you get good quality rest, hydration, and a balanced, nutrient-rich diet," Dr. Love says. So if you can take the day off, do.

Hand Sanitizer Etiquette

• For using sanitizer in public: When you use your own personal bottle of hand sanitizer, it's polite — but not required — to offer the sanitizer to the people you're with. The people we spoke to also agreed that it's rude to use hand sanitizer immediately after shaking hands with someone. Wait until you're no longer with them, or sanitize discreetly.

Sickness Etiquette For Kids and Families

• When your child is sick: When your child is sick, but you feel fine, it's considered polite to give people you have to see a heads up that you have a sick kid at home. But you don't have to behave as if you're sick too, unless you start experiencing symptoms. This is a tricky scenario — and a good compromise. "For any illness, the 'attack rate' isn't 100 percent even if you live with someone who's sick," Dr. Love says. "[Getting sick] isn't a guarantee, but the risk is higher."
• When a parent is under the weather: When you're sick, but your child seems fine, it's polite to encourage them to be extra-diligent with hand washing, masking, and social distancing, and give people they'll be seeing socially a heads up that their parent is sick.
• When someone else's kid is under the weather: If a fellow parent at your child's school or daycare admits to sending their child in when they're in violation in the facilities' sick day policies, it's not rude to alert the facility — but offering backup childcare solutions or asking more about why they feel they have to do so is also a nice thing to do. Notably, this is a rule in which the public's and Dr. Love's perspectives diverged. While the people who responded to this question in our mini survey noted you're not compelled to alert the facility, Dr. Love says, "I think the daycare should be notified." It's not about tattling, but "being aware of the public health impact of these decisions (see [last year's] measles outbreak in Philly [9])," she explains.

And One Last General Rule of Thumb:

• It's never OK to lie about being sick or your symptoms.

Related:

Self-Help Won't Cure My Chronic Illness [10]

— Additional reporting by Chandler Plante