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11 Years Is Long Enough

Dear Sugar
My question is one asked many times before. How do you get over someone? Me and my boyfriend have been together on and off for 11 years. I have tried dating other people but I never manage to get over him. In the past I have gotten over guys by the "out of sight, out of mind" method. But I can't do that this time because we have children together. My problem with him is his lack of commitment. NO co-habitation, NO marriage, NO NOTHING! He says he wants to be financially secure and I say let's do it together. But according to him, that is not the way a man should do it. But I feel like after all this time, he should figure out his way is not working. He says he loves me but I feel he is just comfortable with me. He doesn't understand that there is a difference between loving someone and being in-love with someone, and I am NOT feeling the love. I am in love with him but I don't want to be anymore. PLEASE HELP ME. Stuck Suzy

Dear Stuck Suzy
Even after you had children with him, he still didn't want to move in together? Does he give you money for them; is he an active/involved Father? He sounds like a nightmare and very immature. Since you were never married, all you have to settle are issues with the kids. I suggest that you talk to him about it and try to remain amicable (for the children's sake) but this doesn't sound like true love. Honestly it sounds like he's a player and doesn't want to settle as a family man. Financial security is the oldest line going.
I suggest you call a lawyer to make sure he'll take care of your kids and then try your best to distance yourself emotionally. You deserve to meet someone who will love you like you want to be loved.

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gg4l86 gg4l86 9 years
Im in the same situation except theres no kids, its my best friend whom i've known for 8 years together 3 off and on for 3 and it still goes on because i think hes comfortable and he lost his virginity to me. All guys say they arent ready for their own "persona;" or "financial" reasons...i've heard it so many times, and if i dont get him to commit then i have to leave. but also he wont because hes comfortable. we are in the same boat and it sucks
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