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12 Steps to Falling in Love

For some, being single and dating is a lot of fun, but for others, being single can be frustrating, lonely, and just plain exhausting. I think both have their pros and cons, but if you've been feeling unlucky in love, Rabbi Shmuley's (of Oprah fame) 12 steps to falling in love might be of some help.

  • Admit you can't fall in love: Since many people couple up to avoid loneliness, Shmuley feels that admitting the reason why you want to fall in love will help gain realistic expectations.
  • Get help: Opening up about wanting to, but having a difficult time finding love will help alleviate some of the pressure and burden.
  • Heal the love wounds: Make amends with former lovers you may have hurt in the past. Accepting responsibility for your actions will help you fall in love again in the future.
  • Take your love pulse: Really ask yourself how loving you are. Shmuley feels that you cannot love specifically if you don't also love generally.

If you want to hear his eight other suggestions,


  • Call a moratorium on dating: Before getting back into the game again, take a break from the dating scene all together and regroup. Shmuley feels it's best to separate yourself from intimate, emotional, and physical contact with the opposite sex until you hunger for passion and intimacy again.
  • Increase your possibilities: Expand your horizons. Stop looking for Mr. Right and start looking for Mr. Right Now.
  • Commit first, fall in love later: Love at first sight doesn't happen every time so commit first and fall in love second. Sometimes your true colors shine once you feel secure in a committed relationship.
  • Avoid meaningless sex: According to Shmuley, casual sex numbs the heart and dulls the body.
  • Let go of people who are wasting your time: Stop dating men that you know are wrong for you. If they fear commitment, are unreliable, or there's just no connection, stop wasting your time and move on.
  • Recapture your mental virginity: Don't compare men. Get the old out of your mind so you can focus on the new.
  • Go deeper: Skip over the small talk and start having meaningful conversations on your dates. You'll be able to get to know someone much faster and you'll be left interested and wanting to learn more about that person.
  • Become a love missionary: Shmuley feels that the more love you spread, the more love you'll find!

Letting go of those who waste your time is my favorite tip, obviously one that's easier said than done, but great advice nonetheless. What do you think of these tips? Do any of them ring true to you?


Join The Conversation
JaimeLeah526 JaimeLeah526 8 years
These don't even make sense with each other. They contradict each other. They are stupid and annoying and sound really religious and right wing.
snobby snobby 8 years
Ummmm... thanks for the tips... I guess!!!
bransugar79 bransugar79 8 years
I actually think that the tips were helpful and a lot of them seem to be pretty common sense. But then again I'm already married so I guess I had to figure this stuff out for myself
Neekoh Neekoh 8 years
TheEnchantedOne, I had the exact same thought! I think this is one of the most pointless and ridiculous articles I've ever read!
TheEnchantedOne TheEnchantedOne 8 years
I'm confused with these two: He says, "Stop looking for Mr. Right and start looking for Mr. Right Now." And then, another of his steps say, "Stop dating men that you know are wrong for you." Okaaaaaay..
Jude-C Jude-C 8 years
Strangely, the best book I've ever read on relationships is written by an ultra-Orthodox rabbi and aimed at the ultra-Orthodox community. And I'm not even Jewish.
brutalcupcake brutalcupcake 8 years
Interesting :P
urban-chic-101 urban-chic-101 8 years
Um.... ok..... wow that was really NOT helpful.
Shopaholichunny Shopaholichunny 8 years
k-squared k-squared 8 years
I don't get that part either.. I think everyone can love, it's just a matter on concentrating it on something or someone.
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 8 years
I don't get the "Admit you can't fall in love" one. Anyone get it and care to explain it to me tiny brain? <-- last part said with a scottish accent. Ok I'm officially in a weird mood.
bluestar bluestar 8 years
LOL...thanks! That's all SO hard to figure out all by my lonesome. Add this guy to the "people Oprah got famous" list!
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