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30 and Single

Group Therapy: Am I Waiting For Something That Will Never Come?

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

My 30th birthday is coming up and for the past six years, I've been living a fabulous single girl life. However, with more and more friends getting married, moving in with their boyfriends, and having kids, I'm starting to feel isolated from the people I'm most close to. The thing is there are several interesting men in my world and while I have fun with them and am compatible with them, there is, as Carrie Bradshaw said, "no za-za-zoo." I don't feel that special butterfly feeling where I really like a guy. In the past couple of years, I've only felt it for three guys and the last time I felt strongly for someone was months ago. I'm starting to worry that maybe I won't feel that way again and perhaps, that I'm waiting for something that will never come. Should I keep waiting? Or try to pursue a more meaningful relationship with a guy that I enjoy and feel comfortable with, but don't have a deeper longing to be with?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

Source: Flickr User rachdavies

Join The Conversation
Tahni Tahni 6 years
People continue to tell me from church when you stop looking is when he comes. Is it true some say yes its happen to them, but the hard part for me it to stop looking all together lol
jaunteecap jaunteecap 6 years
Chill, trust, and believe. The butterflies are coming. You have to make decisions like this with your gut. And if you feel nothing special for a guy, but decide start a relationship with him anyway it'll end bad. You have to be drawn to a person in that romantic way because it really helps in the long run. It can sustain you when they're being a total pain in the butt. Same goes for you too date a guy that finds you irresistable, loveable, adorable. Make sure that there's a good balance of affection. I'd say good luck but you really don't need it. ;-)
Serene18 Serene18 6 years
Why is having kids and getting married the ending solution to a happy life? There are other things to look forward to esp. at your age. You usually hear those comments from much older women. I think its the pressure of your friends who lives that lifestyle forcing you to want it too instead of focusing on what's right and best for you. I agree not to ever settle because you"ll be unhappy, that's pretty evident. You'll be sharing your life with someone and later find out the hard way that ya'll were'nt meant for each other but by then your heart is broken, your emotionally attached, you prob. share a child with that individual; leaving them to permanently be in your life. Dont look for love let it look for you. Dont focus and put so much of your effort and attention into finding the 'right' one. It'll come, be patient.
TheEnchantedOne TheEnchantedOne 6 years
It's hard! But don't settle! :)
AlexisSF AlexisSF 6 years
wait. wait as long as it takes to find the right person. marriage is forever and it takes work and commitment. if you're not fully in it to win it, it'll never work. 30 is so young! if you're not in a rush to have a family right away, wait — like the first commenter said, go on as many dates as you can — life it up girl! you'll look back at this time in your life as one of the best times ever once you're an old married hag;)
rathernotbenamed rathernotbenamed 6 years
Maybe. Getting married is more up to the person, and less up to luck. There are a lot of single 40 year olds out there with terrible personalities wondering why their prince never came. Being in a relationship is a skill, just like any other. I would argue if you're not having success in the dating arena by 30 to look inward rather than outward.
atraditionalist atraditionalist 6 years
that weird language in the middle is supposed to say **stop not sy witop
atraditionalist atraditionalist 6 years
interesting and fun are good things. i dont believe in going for the guy that gives you the zazazoo because to be honest sometimes those guys just dont like you back so much and thats why you get those anxious feelings in your stomach. Thats not to say that all guys that give you that feeling are bad I just think that at this point in your life if you really want to settle down and get married you need to sy witop looking for that crazy wild feeling and look to other qualities like is he a good provider, is he resposible with his money, does he adore you, does he want kids/not want kids (depending on your position). Date others but please dont throw those interesting and fun men away. Carrie Bradshaw ended up marrying the guy who technically never really asked her to marry him, 10 years later after countless breakups and cheating, and left her at the altar all because he gave her that feeling-in the movie it ended well in real life that man would never have married her
Helen-Danger Helen-Danger 6 years
None of the above. :) Meet a lot more guys. Go out on a billion dates. But don't ditch the fellas you already have. Keep them in your dating rotation to give you plenty to do...and thereby prevent you from obsessing or being overly available when you do find a guy with za za zoo.
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