You know what would make a great show to put on after The Bachelor? Thirty men on a conveyor belt while five women — armed with signs that say "interested" and "not interested" — select dates after 60-second pitches. In fact, the premise of this SNL-esque show is not even the worst part! It's how 30 men choose to represent themselves with the minute they have to impress.
Of course, anyone who goes on a show called Conveyor Belt of Love (billed "30 men, five women, one conveyor belt" by ABC) is more interested in F-list fame than love, so I shouldn't be so surprised by the dubious seduction tactics. There's the guy who announces his virginity while making a balloon that looks not unlike a penis (he's almost picked), and the guy in a Speedo who carries his tiny dog onstage (he is picked), and then there are the pickup lines. Here are seven of the worst — but not by much!
- "I've been contributing to my 401k since I was 18."
- "A gentle kiss to the frontal lobe, while fine dining as we eat." (In a poem.)
- "I do a show called 'Becoming a Man in 127 Easy Steps.'"
- "I prefer to date in the cougar bracket, that's over 32."
To see the rest,
- "I do a great Chris Farley impersonation."
- "Do you guys know how much a polar bear weighs? I don't know either but he just broke the ice."
- "My dream girl is anyone who'd say yes."