Skip Nav
What Disney Princess Are You Based on Your Star Sign?
This Courthouse Elopement in Maui Proves a Destination Wedding Can Be Small
42 Sexy (but Discreet) Tattoos For Women

Abusive Ex Moving to My Town

"My Ex Is Moving to My Town"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

A little over a year ago, I was in a relationship with a guy who lived about an hour from me. We were together a lot, and were set up by mutual friends. I fell in love with him, and he said he was serious about me. He slowly showed me that he was actually a controlling narcissist who was most likely cheating on me as well. He became verbally, emotionally, and physically abusive, and although I loved him very much, I gained the strength to leave and cut all contact.

I have seen him a few times since we broke up, among our friends, but we never talk. Since we broke up, I have moved from where I was when we dated, and I've been here over a year now. My ex is now moving to the same small town, and I've learned from friends that he'll be living a mile or so away from me.


The last time I saw him was a few weeks ago at a party, and he was staring at me all night and tried to talk to me. I was cordial but I didn't give him my attention. The next day I saw him on the street in my town, he just stared at me, and I didn't wave or stop to talk. My questions are: why would he move to MY town, of all places? Our friends don't live in this town. Also, what do you think he was trying to accomplish by staring at me like he did? I still have feelings for him, despite everything he did, but I know people don't change, and I don't need to get sucked back into that with him. Thank you.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously in Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

Image Source: Shutterstock
Join The Conversation
Bubbles12 Bubbles12 4 years
Sometimes people post in such a way responding is like being set up for a perfect clear shot. You clearly are aware he is obsessed, being inappropriate, doesn't care about your boundaries, and has his sights on you. Bone up on all the things you should and should not do to engage someone like this. We women have this temptation to "just be nice", that could create a lot of trouble for you. We're all wishing you lots of luck, but don't be passive in the face of all this, get and be safe.
henna-red henna-red 4 years
I just gave some advice to "What the heck?!" and I want to give you the same advice. This man's behavior is disturbing you, and you need to pay attention to that. You have described his past behavior as abusive on all levels, and you broke up with him.....and now here he is again. That is more than a coincidence. His behavior is obsessive....and seriously creepy.....controlling narcissist could be someone with even more serious personality disorders.....and that's not something to take lightly. Ask friends why he's moved.....if they know he's moved to within a mile of your new place, then they probably know why....what has brought him to your neighborhood. Is it a job? Is there a good reason? The behavior you describe is obsessive, and is something for you to be concerned about. As in the other posting, I want to recommend the book "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin DeBecker. He talks about the conventional protections you can take with a stalker....(and that is the fear here,) and the practical, realistic approaches to your personal safety. How to be aware, what to be aware of. And if you are afraid.....if he starts trying to contact you and you rebuff him, and are's time to talk to the police. Do some homework on stalking. Some obsessive personalities know how to avoid the legal to avoid police intervention. Just be aware of the possibilities, and the best actions for you to take in the event of his crossing lines in a more agressive manner. As I was saying to the other poster....always pay attention to your feelings when something someone does makes you uneasy. Never just ignore it, or disregard it. This is about your safety, and you need to be aware when there's a predatory personality in your environment......and he is. So take care, do your homework, let your friends know he was abusive on all levels with you and that he is not a welcome presence in your life, and why. Let all of the pertinent info out into the social environment.....he may deny the they need to know and to be aware that obsessive personalities can be very manipulative and dishonest....and that you need to keep your distance!!!! take care, and blessed be SAFE
Donna-Freundt Donna-Freundt 4 years
Who knows why he moved to the town you live. Maybe he got a job there or maybe he has a sick relative there or maybe he is studying there. I don't really see the problem, you can't stop someone from moving where they want to go. It might have nothing to do with you even. Why he was staring at you? - He probably thinks he still has a chance with you again. If you know that people don't change and that you don't need to get sucked back into that with him then what is there to worry about?. Just tell him you don't want to be friends with him or talk to him after the relationship. Simple.
Negative Effects of a Sexless Marriage
How to Be a Happy Couple
Reasons to Have Sex
Signs a Guy Is Interested in You
From Our Partners
Latest Love
All the Latest From Ryan Reynolds