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Advice For Dating in a Small Town

Group Therapy: Advice For Dating in a Small Town

This question comes from Group Therapy in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!
I am 24 but have only had one boyfriend. I am currently single, but I have no idea how to start up another relationship. My first relationship was 2+ years ago and it was my first, obviously. We met through a mutual friend, and he is the one who asked me out.

So, doing the whole dating thing again — I have no idea where to start? The only friends I have are girls, and I really don't go out to clubs and socialize. I live in a small, tiny town and I am not sure how to meet anyone here. I don't want to do Internet dating or anything like that.

I also am really insecure. Not jealousy insecure, but more self-conscious about my body . . . and shy. I am not the type of person to just walk up to anyone and start talking to them.


Does anyone have any advice on meeting new people? In a small town? Where do I start, what do I say and what do I do?

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GregS GregS 7 years
I've spent my entire life on stage. I'm trying to keep off of it for awhile now. I have no real problems meeting people through professional and social service organizations. On-line sites I think are a waste of time, money (often) and effort once you hit a certain age. Generally over 40.
Bettye-Wayne Bettye-Wayne 7 years
I keep hearing about, maybe I'll check it out some time. My mom actually just mentioned this dog-group from meetup, it's just people and they get together in this field and let their dogs play. Rule number one is always eye-contact. You will never know if someone is interested or not if you don't look them in the eye. I am a true believer in the old saying, "the eyes are the mirrors to the soul." If someone is interested, they will tell you. Just usually not with words. Rule number two is have a friendly smile. And not a fake smile- don't smile because you think that's what you're supposed to do. Smile because seeing an attractive person is a pleasant thing. I don't know where I read this, but it was recently, that a fake smile tends to develop quickly (as in the reflexive way you smile when you pass a stranger on the street), while a genuine smile develops more slowly (like when someone tells you good news- how your smile develops as your brain processes the feeling of happiness). Rule number three is buy a Star Wars shirt and watch the movies once or twice (just so you have a basic knowledge of Star Wars) and also know one or two movies currently playing that you wouldn't mind seeing. No joke. Eye-liner and a push-up bra is no match for plain-faced wearing a Star Wars shirt. It's a great conversation starter, and if you're slick about it you can score yourself a movie date. You don't have to pretend to be a Star-Wars junkie, you can just say, "They're not my favorites but I like them." A coupe more tips, not rules, exactly, but: you must be an interesting person. Read intelligent novels and keep up to date on current events. Also, outside interests and hobbies are a good good thing. If you're self-conscious about your body... eat healthier and exercise more. I'm not saying it to be mean, but it's not that hard to drop 15 lbs or tone up a bit. A small thing like that not only makes you look better, it makes you feel better. And men don't expect you to look like magazine babes. No woman does- what with air-brushing, even the magazine babes don't look like themselves. I'm generally an excessively outgoing person, but I still get nervous around a guy I'm attracted to. I saw on TV years ago, someone was giving someone else dating advice and said to picture yourself onstage- with an audience of one, your man- with some sexy doo-wop singers behind you. Sort of like picturing everyone naked when you're giving a speech, but more empowering. It works.
ShaynaLeah ShaynaLeah 7 years
No advice, but sympathy ;-) I'm in the same place (and I have taken classes, joined groups - love! - but apparently my interests don't mesh w/ those of single men! ...and I have a decent number of friends - all of whom know I'm single and interested, but none of whom have a single friend/brother/colleague... oy!) --- Can't wait to hear the other posters' advice! Please visit me at Life: Forward (
LouLou12 LouLou12 7 years
I would let your friends know that you are ready to date again, who knows if they know of single friends, cousins, friends of cousins, etc. that you could meet?
marcied23 marcied23 7 years
totally agree with both posters, I joined a book club, not to meet guys but to expand my circle of friends and wound up meeting some pretty cool guys who love to read too! so if you join groups and clubs to who knows who'll you'll wind up meeting. you have to go outside of your comfort zone. for me meeting a group of people that i had absolutely no connection to outside of reading felt a little weird at first, but is one of the best things that I have done.
sarah_bellum sarah_bellum 7 years
Have you heard of It's a pretty cool site where you can arrange meetings with groups of individuals in your area based on shared interests. I'm quite shy in real life and live in sort of an isolated area too and it's been a cool way to meet new people. You will have to put yourself out there at some point though, so maybe you should start by just getting a little more comfortable with your discomfort, if that makes any sense.
JoeTyndall JoeTyndall 7 years
You have to find things in common with someone new, so you have something to talk about. What are your hobbies? More importantly, what are the five or six topics you love to talk about? I also have some ideas on how to deal with feelings of insecurity. But let's hear about your hobbies and five or six topics of discussion first.
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