Skip Nav
18 Sex-Filled Films to Stream on Netflix
37 Tiny Tattoos For Big-Time Besties
Sexual Traits You Might Have Based On Your Zodiac Sign

Advice For Male Virgin

Group Therapy: Dating Advice For a Male Virgin?

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

So I am 22 years old. I'm a virgin. I'm clean-cut, of average/ semi-athletic build, I'm honest and respectable, trustworthy. I'm no prince charming in the looks department, but I'm not unattractive. I'm a good person from a good family. I was raised not extremely religious, but brought up with I guess what would be considered good morals. I grew up being told to wait until marriage until having sex.

Granted I am a bit of a pervert, but I had never done anything. Up until a few years ago, I kept that moral or standard or whatever you want to call it. Then I dated a girl I had known and liked for years. We were together for a while when sex started to come up in conversation etc. Of course I said no, and it didn't seem to affect the relationship any. After some time, I started to give in a little as she kept pushing for it. Most of it was just messing around really, nothing serious. We aren't together anymore for more reasons than I care to name, but since then I had started to question my beliefs on sex. It's reached the point now where I am not sure what to think anymore.


I am dating a girl now who is not a virgin like I am. Things have started to move towards sex, but I don't know what to do or think about it. I know it will ultimately be up to me, but I'm a little lost at the moment. I'm not sure if I should wait until marriage anymore. I used to believe that was the best thing, but it seems more people out there prefer to be with someone who is or has been somewhat sexually active at some point in their lives. I've had so many relationships go sour as things started to go where this one is heading, be it from me saying no and or the fact that I am a virgin coming up. Needless to say, I don't want this relationship to end. But not knowing what to think anymore has made me become a bit...awkward...when things start to get heated. (40 Year Old Virgin, I feel your pain.)

I feel like I'm just dragging this out . . . so a few questions . . . Is it best to wait until marriage? Are women turned off by a guy who is a virgin? . . . What's the best thing to do in my situation?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

Image Source: Thinkstock
jweber0424 jweber0424 5 years
Thanks for the advice everyone. It's sad to say though that she and I are no longer together, but it had nothing to do with sex. So i'm single again. But thats bot a bad thing since I will be enlisting in the Air Force any day now. :)
Harley-Quinn Harley-Quinn 5 years
I always think its best to wait until you are ready. Also think about what you want in a relationship. As for your second question it depends on the women. Just like everything in sex each person is attracted to different things. Each person has there own turn offs. As for what you should do. Well I feel that a partner should respect your decision about sex. If they don't then that's an issue. Follow your heart.
Bettye-Wayne Bettye-Wayne 6 years
To me, it wouldn't be a turn off, so much as it would just be awkward. I don't rush into bed, but if we've been dating for a few months, and I'm feeling you, and you're feeling me- you're fucking me. I wouldn't even feel comfortable seriously dating someone who was waiting til marriage, because I'd be afraid I'd get so turned on by him- I'd end up raping him. So when people say 'the right girl'- a girl like me, who has been sexually active since sophomore year of high school, who is sexy and sexual and loves to fuck- is the WRONG girl. My closest friend remained a virgin until she was 18, her reason for 'losing it' was- she was just sick of being a virgin. She never regretted her decision. There are a lot of reasons to remain a virgin, and I respect those, but sex is fucking great. Let me tell you- wow. You have NO IDEA what you're missing. I think Juice and Karlotta made great arguments over why waiting isn't always the best option. I guess you have to decide what means more to you, saving yourself til marriage, or dating sexually active women, and having sex with them- and sex is AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and I don't care what anyone says, you are missing out, big time. If you decide to wait til marriage though, definitely take Kurnia's advice and stick to religious organizations. I would feel cheated if I dated a guy for a few months, and then things got heated, and he put the brakes on because he's a virgin. Not to be a bitch, but if you meet a girl who seems confident in herself sexually, and you're not ready for sex, don't waste her time.
karlotta karlotta 6 years
I don't think it's a turn off, and I don't think it's wrong to wait if that's what you want to do. People are right : stay true to yourself. This said, I firmly believe that sexual experience before marriage is really important; it helps you discover so many things about yourself and your partner, and sexual chemistry and compatibility are very important in a relationship, so I wouldn't want to be stuck with a horrible lay for the rest of my life.
juicebox07 juicebox07 6 years
If waiting until marriage is what you really want, then don't let anyone persuade you otherwise. I respect everyone's beliefs, but personally, I don't understand the whole waiting for marriage to have sex if you are still being sexually active in other ways. The only difference is that intercourse can lead to pregnancy, but with proper precaution that can be prevented. I don't think anyone being a virgin is a turnoff, but personally, I don't think I could be in a relationship where sex was not an option because it makes me feel extremely close to my partner, and it's something that I enjoy.
ChrissyLee ChrissyLee 6 years
I totally disagree with @jenjen82, being a virgin is not a turn off. The right woman will wait for you if she loves you. As for questioning your beliefs, that's something you need to think about yourself, and what other people think about pre-marital sex shouldn't matter. Would you regret it after all this time? Would you still be okay with the decision should this relationship not last? It may feel hard to date, but there are still other people out there just like you. If you change your mind and decide to go through with it, just make sure you love the person.
jenjen82 jenjen82 6 years
Hell no it's not a good idea to wait until marriage to have sex. You don't need to become a man whore, but it's naive thinking to wait until marriage. You asked for an opinion and you got an honest one. Take it or leave it and good luck. One more thing, in general it is a turn off to advertise to an experienced woman you are a virgin. So keep that in mind.
bryseana bryseana 6 years
Stay true to yourself.
steph1234 steph1234 6 years
I'm so impressed that you have waited! I think it is an admirable quality and shows self-discipline and self worth. You're not just throwing it around, which is awesome and your future wife will probably be grateful you waited. As the other posters, I agree that this is your decision to make and you should do what you feel is right in your heart. (However, you've waited this long, why throw that away?) I chose to wait until marriage and my husband is glad I did....and I am too. It made our wedding night awesome because we were experiencing so many new things for the very first time! I agree that your current girl will respect you for this if she is the right one....Anyone who is pressuring you for something you're not sure you should do, is selfish and does not have your best interest in mind. Good luck with your decision!
dahliadreamer dahliadreamer 6 years
I agree with kumia on many parts. Believe it or not, the right girl for you WILL care whether or not you want sex now or after marriage. If a girl loved you enough, and understood why you felt that way about being a virgin untiul you got married, then you know she's a keeper. Ultimately, it's your decision whether or not you want to remain a virgin until marriage, or go free-for-all like most people. But whatever your decision, I think you should stick to it, and not turn back. The magic about waiting until marriage is that you will be making love for the first time to the one woman you believe will be the one for the rest of your life. The girls who are worth it will understand, and if anything, will be excited and happy that they will be your first, and your last. I remember my first, and I don't regret it at all. He was romantic, and it was everything I'd imagined, nothing more or less. He turned out to be a jerk and a cheater, but I loved him. If you were to make love to this girl you're with, and she ended up not being the one, would you regret? If not, then go for it. If your morals mean more to you, then don't. But like I said, the choice is yours to make. Whatever the decision, don't regret and do it because you want to, not because society wants you to.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 6 years
Sex before marriage is a common thing these days, but guys like you still exist. I've known a few of them (and some of those guys are now married to wonderful women who obviously believed in the same thing) and uh, yah, waiting for marriage may make things harder to date, but not impossible. Logically, you should aim for females in religious organization, well, I'm not religious myself, but uh, I heard they have those movements that encourage being a virgin until marriage, perhaps those movements have organizations and hopefully a local chapter so you can go check it out. Only YOU can decide if you want to wait until marriage or not. Seriously. I'm not about to offer opinion on that part :) Good luck.
Things You Should Reveal on a First Date
Happiness Jar For Couples
Best Weed For Your Zodiac Sign
Sexual Traits Based on Zodiac Sign
From Our Partners
Latest Love
All the Latest From Ryan Reynolds