We're happy to present this excerpt from one of our favorite sites, The Good Men Project. Is online dating proving to be a challenge, and not the fun kind? Luckily, Kelle Sparta offers her tips to help you show the world the best parts of yourself — instead of the worst.
If you've been trying to find a relationship online and you're not getting the results you want, then read on, dear fellow. Perhaps you're making social faux pas without even knowing it.
All of this advice has been collected through my own personal experience of being a woman looking for a relationship online, and by talking with other women like me. Of course, some women may disagree with me. I'd love to hear from readers what others in the comments whether they have made the same observations that I have.
Let's start with the fact that your profile looks more like a laundry list than an essay. You've listed facts and given me nothing emotional or even personal to hang my hat on. I want to know who you are, not just what you do for work and that you enjoy going out to dinner and long walks on the beach. (And please avoid this cliché! If you haven't been for a long walk on the beach in the last month, you don't love it.) Give me something real. Give me an idea of how you would make me feel if we were on a date together. Paint a picture of who you are with your friends and family. Let me get to know you. And write twice as much as you think you need to. We want more information, not less.
I want to see a picture of you — up close — without your sunglasses on. I want to see your eyes — they are the most important thing about you because they tell me if you are kind and strong. I want to see a full-body picture of you. And please, pretty please, with sugar on top — smile! Now let's talk about what you're wearing in these pictures. I don't want to see an "I'm With Stupid" or "Female Body Inspector" shirt. It shows a lack of respect and I don't want that lack of respect applied to me. I don't want to see you with a bevy of hot girls around you (who wants to compete with that?) I don't want a picture of you and your ex — even if she is still your friend. If it's your sister, you'd better say as much in the caption or else you look like a player. If there is a beer in your hand in every photo, I assume you're a drunk. If you're in a costume in every photo, I assume you're a child. And if you're alone in every photo, I assume you have no friends. Your photos are a pictorial of your life. Choose wisely, young Jedi.
For 12 more tips, read the full story: Why You Suck at Online Dating
More from The Good Men Project:
- The Danger in Demonizing Male Sexuality
- Wanna Find Love? Let Go of the Banana
- What Makes a Woman Beautiful to a Man