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Not Against Marriage, Just Not All For It

Here's an excerpt from a post from OnSugar blog Romantically Challenged.

It was brought to my attention recently that I'd somehow given the impression that I was anti marriage.  I don't see how that's possible and maybe that person is perfectly and purposely obtuse, but that's not how it is at all.  What I am is . . . I do not believe that my happiness is contingent upon being married, nor do I think it means that someone will love me and be faithful to me just because we're a legal "us."  But I never said that I was against it, or that it is something that I'd never want.  But honestly, for someone like me, talking about getting married, well—

I have a hard enough time actually being able to be in an official relationship; finding someone who is not only willing to fall in love, but to fall in love with me specifically.  Perhaps that sounds comical, but I cannot tell you how many times I've found myself in a situation where I was told how good a friend I make or how there wasn't serious relationship material between myself and Guy Douchebag X, Guy Asshat Y, or Guy Bastard Z.  Not that I'm currently bitter or anything.

So yes, before I can contemplate engagements or marriage, I first have to find someone who wants to be with me, who accepts me for who I am, and mostly, someone who can make me a believer in love, like one of my favorite Luther (Vandross) songs.  Because . . . that is something that I have yet to find.

Read the rest on Romantically Challenged.

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Join The Conversation
msscarletibis msscarletibis 7 years
Kristin: Very, very true. A happy, loving, faithful relationship is just that. As long as one doesn't walk into a marriage with the idea of that alone will make it work or make it better, then they'll be all right :)
msscarletibis msscarletibis 7 years
valova82: It's funny--I was never told such a fairytale (well, at least not by my mother. The media, on the other hand...). And you're more than welcome. The main point of this blog was to speak to those who can relate, and maybe offer some kind of insight.
msscarletibis msscarletibis 7 years
runningesq: Oh, it doesn't need fixing :P It was purposely done as a writing style.
msscarletibis msscarletibis 7 years
Gawjuslayd: Oh, "Contrary" is my middle name :) Though I'm not against marriage; it's just not mandatory for me. I'm pretty sure my ideas on marriage were shaped to the many divorces I've seen, and the fact that I've grown up in a more than stable and loving single parent home.
msscarletibis msscarletibis 7 years
xgreenfairyx: Yes, the initial "magic" will at some point wear away. They call it the "honeymoon" phase for a reason. "If its true, equal, and honest, that dude will make you feel like you've always felt everyday." Excellent point.
msscarletibis msscarletibis 7 years
Pistil: Something such as...? Anyway, it's not as if I don't, but the whole point of this blog is to talk about my experience with relationships (and lack thereof). However, I do write about other things elsewhere.
msscarletibis msscarletibis 7 years
brindey: Thanks ever so much for your kind words :) However, I will say that I didn't choose to become just sort of happened. But that isn't to say there's no coming back from it.
MsWalton MsWalton 7 years
This post SINGS to my soul!!!!!!!!! Being a lifelong pessimist, I don't believe in the fairy tales I was told as a child. Prince Charming, the white picket fence, and 2.5 kids sound nice, but it's not for me. Nor am I going to spend my time trying to accomplish that. Thanks for writing my thoughts on this post!!!
runningesq runningesq 7 years
Please fix the strikout tag !
Gawjuslayd Gawjuslayd 7 years
I can completely understand this take on the subject of marriage. I was so bitter and fed up with guys, that I didn't think marriage was good for anyone. I vowed to never get married, and to even have God strike me dead on my wedding day if I so brazenly did. I had a period of my life where I had 50 dates in two months. BUT! I was only out on 5. Guys wouldn't show, cnacel, or not confirm and I would never hear from them again. Now I am in a supportive, and healthy relationship that is super solid. I still don't think that marriage is for me. I have serious doubts about it. Now I see everyone from school getting married, and I don't want to- just becuase I don't want to be like everyone else.
xgreenfairyx xgreenfairyx 7 years
I dunno...I don't think you have to go on the defense about your feelings about marriage. Yeah, so the majority of people get a lot of comfort from the 'idea' of marriage....the infinite, be-all-end-all romantic gestures, blah-blah. Personally, I can't stand people who believe in that kind of nonsense. It's all fantasy. The institution itself is outdated and pressures a lot of people into doing stupid things and acting stupid ways. So, I don't think you need to justify feeling a bit 'meh'. I mean, I'm LEGALLY married, didn't have a wedding, and I don't believe in it the way your 'average, romcom watching female' thinks about it. To me, I'm just chillin' with my friend, and he thinks the same. And don't wait for (or let your mushy friends or ghastly movies convince you you need) the guy who makes you feel like all those love songs suddenly make sense....good relationships don't end up like that. If its true, equal, and honest, that dude will make you feel like you've always felt everyday. If that's magical to some people, that's a me, its just being a good friend.
Pistil Pistil 7 years
Why worry about it? I'm guessing from the title of the blog that this is what you primarily blog about, but why not occupy your mind with something else?
brindey brindey 7 years
You my dear, are not romantically challenged. And a ring doesn't make a romance. And just because you haven't found The One doesn't make it time to give up on the fairy tale. Almost no one finds their soul mate easily, quickly, or without heartache. To quote one of the greats: Love is a battlefield. Think lots of blood, severed arms, and traitors. But don't get jaded or worry abut marriage: That is like worrying about the color of your car when it hasn't got an engine. But, talking about that engine, that engine is You. Two whole people make one relationship- none of this two halves stuff. Focus on being a whole fantastic you- which clearly people say you are- and you will find a whole other fantastically non douche bag to maybe eventually marry if you ever are ready to make such a commitment.
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