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Am I Cheating?

Group Therapy: Am I Cheating?

This question comes from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I've been in a relationship for almost 6 years. The relationship is great. My boyfriend is the love of my life. However, a month ago, I met a much older man at a bar and have met him up for drinks 3 times.

I told this man that I didn't have a boyfriend and my boyfriend doesn't know that I had drinks with another guy. I'm attracted to this man because he is much older but overall, I'm not that attracted to him. I basically show up, laugh at his jokes, and have a decent conversation with him. He has expressed that he really likes me and texts, emails me and wants to take me out to dinner. It is flattering.


My boyfriend has been the only person I've dated so when the opportunity to socialize with another guy came, I took it. I want to stop communicating with him because I don't want to be a cheater. I'm not into him in a romantic way. I love my boyfriend. How should I let the man know? Do I even need to explain myself or can I just stop returning texts and calls?

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Join The Conversation
dikke-kus dikke-kus 6 years
You got an ego stroke. Maybe it was a little thrill. So what. Go back your boyfriend and tell the older guy you can't see him anymore.
birdylan birdylan 6 years
Sure it's not physically cheating, but that says nothing. You are cheating. Think about how bad you would feel if you found out your boyfriend were doing something like that. I think you should just stop contacting the other guy with no explanation. He's obviously into you so if you tell him you have a boyfriend and that's why you can't see him anymore it opens up the window for him to keep trying by saying things like "well if it was a good relationship then you wouldn't have been meeting up with me" etc. Just stop.
postmodernsleaze postmodernsleaze 6 years
You are committing what some have already referred to as "emotional cheating". It won't be long before you find yourself also physically cheating if you do not stop. You may want to reconsider your relationship. Sounds like you might be ready to venture out and try new things. If I'm wrong and you want to stay with your boyfriend... well, you better cut off contact with this older gentleman. I think Joe's suggestion of telling him, "I have found a boyfriend, so our meetings aren't going to work anymore" is a good idea.
LittleMzFit LittleMzFit 6 years
It doesn't sound like it's fair to either one of them. Especially, the guy that you are calling your boyfriend. (You told this older man that you didn't have a boyfriend. That's simply not true.) If everything is so great, then where was the boyfriend when you agreed to meet up with this other person? You may want to take some personal time out to honestly reevaluate everything.
lickety-split lickety-split 6 years
No. That's not cheating. But it's disrespectful to your relationship to lie and say you don't have a boyfriend. Maybe you need a break from being in a relationship (?)
chow chow 6 years
It's ok to have male friends, but you told this guy that you don't have a boyfriend and you know he likes you. That's leading him on. and the fact that lied about having a boyfriend is really disrespectful to your boyfriend.
Lovely_1 Lovely_1 6 years
I consider anythign you do NOT tell your SO cheating...
shannon_xo shannon_xo 6 years
Flirting is fine, but lying about your relationship status etc pushes it over the cheating line. I don't think you have to tell your boyfriend (no harm has been done) but you need to break it off with the other man.
JoeTyndall JoeTyndall 6 years
OP, Send the man a message saying sorry, but you have found a boyfriend (which is technically true), so having dinner together isn't a good idea any more.
Venus1 Venus1 6 years
I agree with what the others are saying here. You also risk hurting the other man too. Before you draw things to a closure though are you doing this because your relationship is not all you say it is? I think you need to weigh up your feelings and where exactly you want to go before you do anything.
Gdeeaz Gdeeaz 6 years
Yup, you are cheating on your boyfriend. I think you should tell this other guy the truth. Let him know that you have a boyfriend and can't see him anymore. He deserves an explanation. I also think you should tell your boyfriend what you did but I doubt you would do that.
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