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Am I Overreacting?

Dear Sugar--
I've been dating this guy for about a year. Everything was going great up until a few incidents that are making me second guess him. The first situation happened when we were out for breakfast and a couple of ladies called out his name. It was co-workers from a previous job and they walked over to the table and started talking to him. I got no introduction from him or them, and it was as if I wasn't there. Then last night, we went out to dinner and he received a phone call. He proceeded to tell the person on the other end of the phone that he was in "a meeting" and had to call them back. I asked him as to why he lied, why he couldn't just say he was out to dinner with his girlfriend...I felt that I was disrespected on both occasions. Am I overreacting here or are these big red flags? --Am I Blind Beth

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Am I Blind Beth--
I am sorry to be the bearer of bad news here, but yes, your boyfriend's actions are in fact big red flags. The lack of introduction at breakfast could have been a case of him not remembering their names, but lying about having dinner with you is inexcusable. You say you have been dating this man for a year, but are you in a monogamous relationship? It sounds as though you are simply not on the same page.

When you pushed back on your boyfriend's lie at dinner, what was his reaction? Was he defensive and uncomfortable? Have you expressed how his coyness about your role in his life is making you feel? It sounds as though you need to have a heart to heart and hash out the future of your relationship.

You have every right to feel the way you do and I do not think you are overreacting in the slightest. If you are not getting what you need and want from him, I advise you to get out of this one sided relationship. You deserve to be with a man who respects you as his girlfriend, someone who is truthful and loving, not someone who acts ashamed to admit he is in a relationship with you. Trust your instincts Beth and I wish you luck.


Join The Conversation
kins kins 10 years
hmm...I'm definitely in the minority but I feel like the second incident could have been harmless. The person on the other end could have been the type of friend/relative who would have kept on blabbing if they knew he was "just" out with his gf...but would have appreciated the seriousness of a "meeting." It definitely depends on how he responded when you asked why he lied though...
junebrug junebrug 10 years
You're not overreacting at all. Just ask him why he did what he did. It could be innocent. You won't know until you ask, and like all women, you'll know if he's telling the truth or not. If you've been in a monogamous relationship for a year, you're his girlfriend, period. If he doesn't feel that way after a year, he never will, and it's best to kick him to the curb. I've been in relationships with several "mysterious" men and trust me, there's always something there (your sixth sense already knows the answer to your question) and it will cost you way more in antacids than he's worth.
japokie japokie 10 years
I have so say that sometimes, I forget faces/names and don't introduce them to my boyfriend and it has happened visa versa. I told him after the first incident that if this ever happens it is because I forgot the person's name, simple. Now with the second part of "being in a meeting"..I feel after a year it should of been stated differently. I wouldn't expect: "I am having dinner with my beautiful girlfriend" but a simple: "I'm having dinner" would of been nice. I would say-red flag.
princess-bttrcup princess-bttrcup 10 years
You deserve to be respected. A guy should be HONORED to be out with you and PROUD to introduce you to anyone who's path you cross. He should want to show you off :-)
Hope5 Hope5 10 years
Sorry overreact.
Hope5 Hope5 10 years
No you didn't overrated!
kungfubunni kungfubunni 10 years
When you say ladies do you mean old ladies? or hot young chicks? i think if it was hot girls i'd be a little annoyed, but then old ladies love to meet girlfriends so either way it's kinda weird. but i agree, boys can be kinda dumb in social situations.
GQ_send GQ_send 10 years
What kind of man would tell the person on the other line that he's in a meeting when in doubt he's hanging out with his girlfriend? Leave him
cravinsugar cravinsugar 10 years
I don't think UI have ever dated a guy where the parent's teaching of manners in the 'introduction' subject rubbed off. Also, I tell people all the time when they call me, and I don't want to talk, I am on my way to meeting, about to walk into a meeting, or don't answer and text them that I am in a meeting. I wonder at what time you were eating dinner? If I had skipped out to work at home one day and was out for an early dinner and usedt hee xcuse that i was in a meeting it would be to save my job. Then again, if your boyf doesn't have that knid of job, red flag here. _________________________________________________________ Why don't you wear the face you have when I am not around?
ash_marisa ash_marisa 10 years
I have a feeling she emailed Dear to get some insight BEFORE she talked to him... I don't think she has spoken to him at all, maybe she was afraid that she was making a bid deal out of nothing, and wanted advice first. If this is true, she really just needs to talk to him about it.
DearSugar DearSugar 10 years
This was all the information I was given. I understand your perspective Mme Hart, but unfortunately Am I Blind Beth didn't divuldge her boyfriends response...
jennifer76 jennifer76 10 years
I agree with some of the comments above. Guys aren't women no matter how much you want them to be. They can be flaky about introductions, sometimes. When my husband does that, I just put my hand out and say, hi I'm Jen. No biggie. I'd like to know what his response to you was, as well. Maybe he was just trying to get off the phone quickly, or maybe he was talking to someone from work and wanted to make it look like he was nose to the grindstone. If, in an entire year of dating, these are the only things that have ever made you uncomfortable, then yes I think you're overreacting. If he's regularly made a habit of not letting anybody know you're his girlfriend, that's a different story.
cubadog cubadog 10 years
I would like to see what his response was to your conversation. It would make it a lot easier. I am not surprised that he did not introduce you to people he used to work with most guys have a tendency to introduce their GF to people that are significant to them. As for what he said to the phone call I have done that myself when I bailed on work early to to go an appointment and my boss called me.
pinupsweetheart pinupsweetheart 10 years
I agree with some of the comments above. This is a tough one since it only happened twice. You need to look at the overall picture. Does he do this every time you meet his friends - or was this a freak situation and he was being a typical guy? I don’t care for his “I am in a meeting” response when “I am busy at the moment, I will call you back when I am free” would have worked just fine. But everyone slips up sometimes when they are put on the spot. Maybe that is a normal response every time he talks to a business client and didn’t realize what he said until after you asked him about it. However, I do feel that you need to be with a man that is proud to show you off to everyone he meets. My advice is to talk to him about the two situations and tell him how they made you feel insignificant. If you guys are in a steady relationship – he will understand and make a mental note next time you run into old friends of his. Good Luck!
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 10 years
Agree w/ Mme Hart on all points. Can you post w/ more info?
Mme-Hart Mme-Hart 10 years
sorry for the double-vision! lol
Mme-Hart Mme-Hart 10 years
I rarely read DearSugar, but I have to make a comment on this one. I think it's unfair for you to post about this without providing his side of the story. You say you asked him, but what was his response? If he shrugged and said nothing, well, that invokes an entirely different response to him saying it was his boss and he had told him he was leaving work early for a meeting. See what I mean here? You have your own voice, you know?! Use it. I would have introduced myself to the girls from work in a really nice way, not fake nice, and go from there. Guys are sometimes crap at introductions and remembering things like that matter. If you'd done that and he was upset with you, again, different situation to just nothing being said.
Oread Oread 10 years
I agree completely with ash_marisa, I've dated people before that just forget to make introductions... they aren't social in the same way most women are, it doesn't always occur to them. When I brought this up once with a guy I was dating, he said if it was such I big deal, why didn't I introduce myself (as he thinks that's what he would have done). As for the second incident, if it were I work call (or someone who isn't a friend/ family member), it could just be that they didn't wan't to discuss their private life. Again, I've done that myself before when I've received a business call while out with friends. It might not be a big deal.
ash_marisa ash_marisa 10 years
After a year though, if you are concerned about these things, I hope you have at least discussed them with him. I would go with what his reactions were to your concerns, over the actual incidents themselves.
ash_marisa ash_marisa 10 years
I guess my gut feeling is that you may be overreacting right now, and you need to wait it out and see what happens.
ash_marisa ash_marisa 10 years
Maybe I am in the minority, but with the first part, when he did not introduce you, sometimes guys are just flaky like that. Guys are not like women, they do not always consider the details as we do. I don't think i would be offended by him forgetting to introduce you one or two times. Its not always something to be taken as a "red flag". The second one it really depends on who was calling. Some people just don't like to go into the details. It sounds like you are assuming ti was another girl. Keep your eyes open, but to make it doesn't seem like you have had any definitive signs yet of things going wrong. Everything here can be easily taken both ways.
honey31 honey31 10 years
Sounds bad to me honey!I would get out of this relationship with him asap!I'm sorry for being negative but my gut feeling is telling me to tell you that you re situation is not good.Keep us updated if you like on how you dealt with this situation.Good luck!
stylish stylish 10 years
IMO first incident is more like a red flag. Specially if it was like you weren't there, that tells *something*. Second one might not be that bad. I mean sometimes people do use "being in a meeting" as an excuse to end the unwanted talk. Maybe he didn't want to ruin the perfect moment by talking on the phone. He doesn't have to tell everyone (on the phone) that his having dinner with his GF. Is that necessary?
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