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Will Anyone Ever Be Good Enough?

Dear Sugar
My mom hates all of my boyfriends. When I was in college, I dated someone for two years and my mother would always belittle our relationship and make fun of him. Now that I am older, she continues to find flaws in everyone I introduce her to and she never has an open mind about anyone.

I have been dating the sweetest guy for the past three months and I finally brought him home to meet my parents. He was very polite, engaging, and witty and I just sat back and observed as the conversation flowed. This was fantastic! I thought that this time my mom had finally liked one of my boyfriends - but of course, the next day she trashed him.

I have asked my mom so many times to please respect who I date and not to judge him before she has the chance to get to know him. You'd think she'd listen, but time after time she apologizes, but then does it again. It's unbelievable how much she hates them all. I am really into this guy, what can I do? Outraged Olivia

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Outraged Olivia
Oftentimes our parents don't think anyone is good enough for their baby but that is no reason to be judgemental. Has someone hurt you in the past to make your parents extra over protective of you? Is there one specific trait that each of these guys possess that is rubbing your parents the wrong way?

If you feel strongly about continuing to date this guy, then suggest spending more time as a group so that your mom can get to know him better. Maybe then she'll have the opportunity to see all the great things that you see in him. Since your talks with your mom haven't been working, keep sitting her down and talking with her seriously until you get through to her.

Ask her to explain her rationale -- you don't necessarily need to agree with her, but at least you can understand where she is coming from. Let your mom know how important her approval is to you and what a difference it would make in your relationship.

If your heart to heart doesn't work, perhaps you should hold off introducing guys to your parents until they are ready to have an open mind about the men you date. I know that would be hard for you, but it's all part of growing up and realizing that you parents are humans who have their own flaws.

Join The Conversation
kittycat kittycat 10 years
my parents are the same. they trashed my current bf before even knowing anything about him or meeting him. they tried so hard to break us up. they still dont want me to see him for some reason. and everybody i know loves my bf. he's the sweetest/nicest guy ever. we already considered ourselves "married". my parents however havent even met the poor guy. if ur parents dont accept who u love most and the person who loves u most (ur bf), then just disregard their opinions. obviously they care about some other factors (pride, image, or too ashamed of whatever trash they said about him that turned out to be all FALSE). it shows how little they regard their child's feelings. these are not supportive parents. dont introduce anybody to them until they need to respect ur feelings first. btw, now they tell me "he's such a great guy" but i think its all BS act they play. wotever. am asian but i dont get asian culture.
lecky1217 lecky1217 10 years
Oh my goodness my mom is somewhat the same. She loved my ex because she saw what he showed her. How sweet and nice he was, paying for everything and calling me all the time but she didn't know how he was in private. It used to piss me off because my entire family was in love with him and would talk about how great he was all the time when none of them knew how possessive, jealous, and sex-crazed he was in private.
shrtstuff76 shrtstuff76 10 years
oh my god! my mom's the same way!!! every single boyfriend i've ever had was just not good enough for her!!! I dated this one guy in high school and he was the sweetest guy i've ever me and completely in love with me. He would hold open doors, let me order first, pay for everything and he was so good with kids. He would never try to take advantage of me & even asked if it was ok to hold my hand. My mother hated him. She said he didn't call me enough, even though him & i saw him each other 3 times a week at church. The other guy I dated that was always trying to get into my pants & that basically stalked me she LOVED for some reason. Sometimes moms can't see. They only see what they want to. Stand up for your man please. I still regret to this day losing my sweet guy in high school. I know if I would have stayed with him, him and I would probably be married right now. I regret breaking his heart to make my mom happy. Please have a talk with her. She may not listen but at least you said what you had to.
jennifer76 jennifer76 10 years
Well, I don't think anyone is really ever good enough for our children, but your Mom is out of hand. I agree with Dear, if your Mom can't be more respectful, then don't bring your dates around.
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