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Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better

Dear Sugar
One of my closest friends since high school is driving me crazy. She has always had a very strong personality but her ego is growing by the second. Whenever we are together in a group, she always finds a way to brag about her life, her fabulous job, all her friends, and how every guy loves her. Her big mouth has gotten on my last nerve and I can't take it anymore.

I want to talk to my friend but she can get very defensive. I don't think I can maintain a close friendship with her if she continues to act this way. Most of the time she is a really good and fun person and would be there for me if I needed her. I don't want to cut her out of my life but I feel she needs to adjust her attitude. Should I talk to her about any of this or just suck it up and deal? Fed up Farah

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Fed up Farah
How annoying! Your gal pal's swollen head sounds like insecurity. What is it about her ranting and raving that bothers you so much? Do you harbor any inside competition with this girl? Does she talk this way when you are together one on one or just out in a group? The next time she carries on, try to change the subject to include the other people in the conversation.

Some friendly rivalry is healthy and very common, but if her actions are threatening your friendship, try taking a break from your best friend. She could be acting this way as a cover up, perhaps everything isn't as perfect as she makes it out to be. It sounds like a heart to heart is in order. If she considers you to be a good friend, maybe she'll even appreciate the constructive criticism.

Since you are aware of her defensive side, try talking to her in an nonthreatening manner. Let her know how much her friendship means to you but her competitive ways can be very off putting and offensive. Hopefully she will take your suggestions to heart and change her ways in social settings so that she doesn't start to bother others.

Brians-Girl Brians-Girl 10 years
i had a friend like this... and am alos lost with what to do
ethiopian_princess ethiopian_princess 10 years
ALTERNATE VIEWPOINT: She's incredibly insecure and needs to brag to feel adequate. Whether there's actually something missing in a part of her life (i.e. love life, good family life, looks, etc.) or she just perceives it (low confidence/self-esteem), she feels a need to make up for this by talking herself up. She's not necessarily trying to make you think she's great just for the sake of it. She's trying to get you to think highly of herself because inside, she probably feels like s--t and she needs the validation. I know this because when I become incredibly boastful is when I feel insecure. A smarter route to take would be to consider the area in which she's lacking or feels she's lacking and try to make her feel okay about it. If she feels good enough, she won't feel the need to brag.
lickety-split lickety-split 10 years
lol, i had this same conversation with a (former) very good friend, it was kind of the last straw. she had a party and then toasted herself and announced her salary :JAWDROP: even her husband was like "what are you doing?" we finally just stopped socializing with them. she always had to top everything anybody did and was never happy for anyone else. is someone had a baby it was like "oh yeah i remember when i had my first. i so over all of that now". if someone bought a house she'd say "it's so small" or "i hate that neighborhood", really negative. i realized one day that i didn't want my kids exposed to that and then i thought "why am i exposing myself to it?" took dh awhile to come around. when her husband (brain washed into brag land my her) called my husband and started talking up their vacation home and trip to europe he was done. who needs it? we're all working hard to do the best we can for our families and friends are there to support you in that not tear you down.
cubadog cubadog 10 years
I find the whole salary conversation very tacky. I cannot believe how many people think it is OK to sit and have that discussion. It is incredibly rude.
workin9to5 workin9to5 10 years
Hey guys, I'm the one who wrote the letter. Just wanted to address what Dear was asking in the first paragraph. No, I don't harbor inside competition. I really don't feel competitive with her at all. I think my letter was a little misinterpreted; she doesn't think she's the best at everything, but she does talk about her life nonstop and in far too many details. She's getting really into "being popular" and we are 25! It just is ridiculous and yes, very off-putting. She will occasionally ask how things are going with me, but I don't ever talk at length about people she doesn't really know or what's happening at work, because who wants to hear about that stuff for an hour straight? Yet she doesn't take the hint and goes on and on with me about her job, people she knows, etc. I feel like she's really into some of her new friends, people I know but I'm not close friends with. I think it's great for her, but I don't need to hear her brag about all the fun things they did last weekend. She just takes every conversation too far. Yes, she does it one-on-one and in groups, it really doesn't matter to her! One of her latest things is talking about her salary increases! Last time she brought it up in a big group, and it was really awkward but we all smiled and nodded so I guess she figured it was fine. She makes more than all of our friends, and besides, who talks about that no matter what you make? It's just not appropriate and no one discusses it besides her. But she thinks we'll all just be happy for her. I'm always happy to hear when good things are going on in her life, but there are some details I just don't need or want to know, and I cant take how self-absorbed she has gotten lately. I agree about insecurity, but I mostly think she just doesn't get it and thinks it's okay. I still am pretty scared to tell her what I think of my other friends is considering talking to her about it so maybe I'll see how it goes with them.
tra tra 10 years
I feel you. I have a friend who talks and talks and talks. In our group of friends, if we're together for an hour, her mouth goes for an hour. No one can get a word in edge-wise and she never asks about anyone-else. I don't have any advice to offer, I'm kind of curious as to what other posters will say. My friends and I just kind of redirect the conversation and try and talk about something else quickly when she stops for air.
shrtstuff76 shrtstuff76 10 years
I know how you feel. My best friend has been like that for years. Trust me, it's not going to get any better. Now she's in competition with me cause she got married first and had kids first. She doesn't understand that I don't care. Last night she came over bragging about how she has more wedding china that I do. Someone needs to talk to her. My friend cuts people off that try to talk to her. That's why it's hard to say anything, she'll just never talk to you again. Please talk to her before it gets too late. Or else move on and find a better friend because a real friend doesn't do that.
cubadog cubadog 10 years
You defnitely need to have a talk with her about her behavior and how off putting it is to you. I think it would be also wise to distance yourself for a period of time sounds like she has some issues she needs to work out on her own.
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