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Aren't Newlyweds Supposed To Have Sex?

Aren't Newlyweds Supposed To Have Sex?

Dear Sugar
I recently got married, and before our wedding, my husband and I used to have sex all of the time...sometimes twice a day. Even in the weeks leading up to our wedding, we had to restrain ourselves because we wanted to make our wedding night special.

As soon as we got married, the sex just seemed to stop. We didn't have sex on our wedding night and wound up sleeping in two different beds on our honeymoon. We are only having sex once or twice a month, and when we do, it feels forced and awkward. What is wrong with us?

He blames his job, but this is the same job he had for a full year leading up to our wedding. I fear that this distance isn't healthy and that ultimately it could destroy our marriage. What can I do about this? Deprived Denise

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Deprived Denise
It sounds like there is a lack of communication between you and your hubby. All couples go through some sort of a down cycle from time to time, but this sounds more severe. Couples can recover from sexless marriages but it is definitely a cause for concern. Is this just a symptom of a larger problem?

Feeling stuck in a relationship sans sex can cause feelings of loneliness and confusion. I think it's best to talk about what's bothering you and how you are feeling with your new hubby. Since he is blaming his job, perhaps you both need to take time out of your busy schedules and re-connect. Try getting away together for the weekend without your everyday distractions and see if an escape can jump start the romance back in your marriage.

Communication is the key to any relationship. Perhaps couples therapy would be beneficial to you if you feel your marriage is on the line as this lack of intimacy is most likely masking a deeper problem. Reassure your husband that you love him and want to make this marriage work. Hopefully opening up can put you back on the right track. Good luck.

Join The Conversation
PostFourch PostFourch 10 years
ouch.... Welcome to splitsville. Population: you.
nycgirl nycgirl 10 years
Not to be an alarmist, or start any fights, but... Did your husband have a crazy bachelor party? Is it possible there is something hanging over his head now--like guilt?
tina_marie tina_marie 10 years
If you are physically not feeling the urge, you may want to check your birth control dosage. To much estrogen can make you loose your drive. Try a low hormone dose pill such as Lo-Estra
Luna13 Luna13 10 years
hmmm i had the same problem when i moved in with my fiancee, were u guys living together before u got married?? As soon as we moved in the sex seemed to slow down dramatically in my opinion it was because we had all the time in the world and we went to bed with eachother every night. Unlike before when we were not living together we had like a time limit and used to have sex!! I did speak about this with my fiancee and he agreed that we had more responsibilites now and more stressed out with our everyday lives, it has improved since our disscusion but we are always affectionate with eachother which is sometimes more important than sex.
getstinko getstinko 10 years
My wife and I say there are two critical things that can lead to happiness or dissatisfaction in a marriage - sex and money. The key is to be on the same page about both and to trust that your partner will make the same choices you would make on both. You need to find out the real reason he has lost interest, communication is the key.
MaxFactor-2 MaxFactor-2 10 years
Haven't you heard of the Peter Pan syndrome? Some guys really have a hard time with commitment. It's not just about "other women," but it's about growing older, being responsible and all that kind of stuff! The solution still is communication about yours (and his) needs and perhaps couple's counseling, but it seems obvious to me that committing to one woman is a difficult thing for him.
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