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Arrogant Boyfriend

"My Boyfriend Is Arrogant"

This week's confession comes from our anonymous Confession Booth group in the TrèsSugar Community. Weigh in with your advice below.

So my boyfriend of one year keeps telling me how so many people find him attractive. He also sometimes jokes about how hot he is and I feel so turned off by this. This also makes me feel like crap because I never get these compliments nor am I as attractive as he is. I have told him that I am turned off by this but it still happens.

What can I do? How can I instill some self-esteem in myself?

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ihaveaqtsn ihaveaqtsn 5 years
If you look to a man to provide you with self esteem, you will not find it.  You need to find your self esteem from within you by finding things that you love (outside of your arrogant boyfriend) and do them well.  For example, pour more energy into a hobby...gardening, cooking, working out, etc...but they have to be things you enjoy.  When you spend more time doing things that you love, the confidence and self esteem will fall into place.  You need to worry less about what others think about him and concentrate more on how you think of yourself.  He sounds like he is suffering from self esteem issues as well if he feels the need to constantly remind you how attractive others think he is.
henna-red henna-red 5 years
I agree, agree, agree with lucky! Keeping someone in your life who makes you feel like crap, even after you've told him his words are hurtful, is an invitation to more abuse. I would say that even if his own insecurities stem from abusive behaviors experienced as a kid, losing relationships is one way that people understand they must do something to change themselves, to recognize the continuation of the patterns they experienced into their adult lives. I know that sounds harsh. Bullies are bullies, because they were bullied and learned the behavior. Abusers are abusers because they were abused and learned the behavior (except in the cases of sociopathy.....), learned behaviors can be unlearned, but it takes an incredible will to change, stemming from a realization of their behavior. And unfortunately, loss is one of the life situations that spurs realization. I also agree about the redeeming charachterizations, but I'm betting they aren't really there because you haven't spoken of them. You speak exclusively of his insensitivity. He is using you to make himself feel better about himself, and that is abusive. You two are together because you have similar issues of self esteem, you recognize each other but his solution to his issues is damaging you, and himself although he doesn't realize that yet. So, learn to respect yourself by not allowing people into your life who don't respect you and your wishes. Don't allow people into your life who don't value you and let you know that. Don't allow people into your life who don't make you feel great to be with them and visa versa. A simple do I increase my self refusing to share your valuable time and life with a jerk.
luckyduckyy luckyduckyy 5 years
You can instill some self-esteem in yourself by getting rid of him. Keeping toxic people around yourself will only harm your well-being. So cut them out of your life. Start with your bf. However, I must ask: Does he have any redeeming qualities? Is he otherwise a great boyfriend and a great person? Or perhaps he has no redeeming qualities, and there is no underlying reason for his conceit (e.g., self-esteem issues, past relationship abuse, family abuse, etc.). If the latter is the case- that he is truly just a jerk- then get rid of him. However, if he has any redeeming qualities or underlying reasons for his conceit, then give him a second chance and encourage him to go into therapy. But don't think for one second that you can, or should, 'fix' him. People cannot be altered like that. What you see is what you get. And if what you see is a jerk, then that's what you'll always have- unless you get rid of him.
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