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Ask an Accountant: Should I Let My Boyfriend Smoke Pot?

Conventional Wisdom is a different kind of advice column. Your questions will be answered by people from all walks of life rather than by advice experts. This week, an accountant advises a woman who's having a tough time with her boyfriend's pot smoking. Want to throw your hat into the ring? You can submit questions here.

Today's Question:
My boyfriend of over three years has been smoking pot since he was a teenager. I knew this before we started dating, but really thought he would quit by now. He is now 32 years old and still smokes multiple times a day. I've already talked to him about how I don't like it at all and wish he would quit. He then argues that it is better to smoke pot than to drink alcohol or do other heavier drugs. I see his friends that have families and they smoke around their babies and toddlers, but I do not want our kids (if we ever have any) to be exposed to it. Should I put my foot down harder or just let him have his "hobby"?

Feeling Low

To see the accountant's answer,


Dear Feeling Low,

It may be true that someone who smokes a lot of pot is no worse than someone who drinks a lot of alcohol, but you are wise to consider your future.


Now unless you are really warped, having kids usually makes you grow up and become responsible to some extent. But since you and he hang around others that haven't changed, my guess is that you can't count on a baby to stop the drug habit.

Now consider some really hard facts. Having kids will cost a lot, and smoking pot will really cut into your diaper budget. Since weed doesn't come with a filter, he is wrecking his health. Not to mention, lung cancer kills! So do you really want your boyfriend to increase his chances of contracting this nasty disease in the future? And don't forget about paying for all that extra medical attention. I don't know about you, but I think that insurance companies take our medical premiums and then tell us it isn't covered when we get sick. Besides, when was the last time you paid less when you went to the doctors? Cut out the weed and you can plow that money into a 401K so that when you retire you won't have to work a part-time job as a Wal-Mart greeter!

The bottom line, as we accountants like to put it, is that you need to find a new boyfriend and hang around with folks that get high on life. Ask yourself the question: how much do I love myself? Take it from a CPA, if you value yourself, the choice to move on with a new guy should add up and pay you many dividends in the future. Good luck!

The CPA (Certified Pot Adviser)

Image Source: Getty
crimson-scarlet crimson-scarlet 8 years
I guess you have to weigh everything up. When I met my now husband he was heavily into pot and I didn't like how he acted differently when he smoked to the days he didn't. Like any drug, it may be relaxing (I wouldn't call it a "hobby") but it's an escape. He gave up for me but was happy about it. Twenty years on he's not into any of it. I appreciated him giving it up when I explained how I felt. I didn't demand it and I don't know that I would have left him over it if he refused to give up. Personally I'm not anti all drug use but I was never interested myself. There are way better ways to relax or feel good that using drugs. Couples change some behavior for each other, to make the relationship work and keep it positive. He should take you seriously if he cares about you. If he doesn't care how you feel about it that's a worry.
ali321 ali321 8 years
Okay I wrote out this whole thing and it crashed so sorry if I double post. Basically I think you should care about your future kids, because it will be an issue then. You shouldn't wait to have kids with him and then kick him out like Christne said. Just ask his opinion and see what he's willing to do. Maybe it's not a big deal for him. However, you have known all along that he smokes so I wouldn't expect much. Most people do mature over time, but that doesn't mean they change who they are. I don't like any kind of smoke, so it would be a deal breaker from the beginning. I think you should let him know how you feel and be prepared to find someone who might be better suited for what you want.
janneth janneth 8 years
What about those friends who expose their babies to second hand smoke? Marijuana has more tar than regular cigs, so it coats the lungs more. Asthma, bronchitis, etc.
PiNkY-PiNk PiNkY-PiNk 8 years
oh, and the question up there shouldn't be "should i LET my boyfriend smoke pot?". he's an adult, not a child. and she's his girlfriend, not his mother.
PiNkY-PiNk PiNkY-PiNk 8 years
i agree 100% with chrstne, anonymous, and lilashleyxox. you guys said it all perfectly.
bchicgrl bchicgrl 8 years
I wouldn't have started dating him the first place, I'm completely turned off by pot smokers. I absolutely hate when people smoke pot around me. I don't care that they do it just don't do around me is all I ask. If your situation, you need to explain to him how it feels and if he's unwilling to change then it might be time for you to let this relationship go.
lilashleyxox lilashleyxox 8 years
In response to Chouette4u "This might not be a big deal if he was just smoking on weekends, but how does he smoke multiple times a day and have a job? Does he work while he's high?" It's possible to smoke more than once a day and still maintain a job without working while your high. I smoke more than once a day most days and still go to work everyday, not high, and go to school full time and get basically all A's, not high. Smoking once or a few times a day doesn't mean that that's the only thing you do and aren't able to have any responsibilities.
burmajade burmajade 8 years
I agree with CPA. And just what kind of "hobby" is that supposed to be. Tell him to take up pottery, no pun intended. and move on
Chouette4u Chouette4u 8 years
This might not be a big deal if he was just smoking on weekends, but how does he smoke multiple times a day and have a job? Does he work while he's high? And just because he says "it is better to smoke pot than to drink alcohol or do other heavier drugs" doesn't mean that he HAS to do any of those things.
janneth janneth 8 years
Multiple times a day! That's like drinking alcohol multiple times a day. That's all fine when you are just dating, I guess. I know someone (with kids) who lost two jobs due to pot smoking. Move on.
sourcherry sourcherry 8 years
That's the thing when you get into a relationship with someone thinking you can change that person. You can't. You have to either accept it (and by accept it I mean that you will be fine with it, not that you'll tolerate it for X more years) or move on.
hottpink hottpink 8 years
I completely agree with Chrstne.
I would have dumped him. I could never date someone who smokes weed (or does any kind of drugs or smoke cigs). I don't believe that BS that it is harmless. I know for certain it causes a serious case of stupid and that doesn't turn me on. Dump him if he won't quit it. Find a man drug free.
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