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Ask an Atheist: Can I Say I Love You First?

Conventional Wisdom is a different kind of advice column. Your questions will be answered by people from all walks of life rather than by advice experts. This week, a person who identifies as an atheist tries to help out a woman who is eager to say I love you. If you have a question you'd like answered on Conventional Wisdom, you can submit it here.

Today's Question:

I have been dating my boyfriend for two months and know that I have fallen in love with him. I think he feels the same way, but neither of us have said it. Can I tell him, or should I wait until he says it? I think it might feel more romantic and definitely less scary if I wait, but I just want to tell him!

Silent in Love

To see the atheist's answer,


Dear Silent in Love,

Falling in love can be scary, but I hope you enjoy this exciting moment! You know the chemistry between the two of you better than me, so if you feel the moment is right, just tell him you love him! There's no rule saying that the man has to say "I love you" first. Whether it's while you're cuddling on the couch watching a movie, or over dessert while you're out to dinner, you will know when the time is right. It doesn't have to be too serious or cheesy you can just tell him that you can't keep it inside any longer.


Then again, if for good reason or not you'd rather wait until he says it, you'll just have to be a little patient. Remember he might be just as chicken as you are, especially since it hasn't been that long. Also, I know a friend who didn't want to say it first, so she said something like: "I like you so much, there's another word for it." Her guy got the hint and confessed that he loved her. That might work for you. Good luck!

Source: Flcikr User Jeremy Burgin

Join The Conversation
AmyLyn AmyLyn 7 years
you know, I have found myself in a very similar boat....although I have been with my boyfriend going on 6 months...I know its time to say it and I keep catching myself slipping cause it wants to come out! I think i'm to the point where I'm just going to come out with it, who doesn't like to hear there are loved?
lilkimbo lilkimbo 7 years
I agree with snarky. And anon #11, in conventional wisdom, the question typically has nothing to do with the type of person who is being asked. The goal actually seems to be to ask a random person the question to see what kind of advice he/she has, with the idea being that sometimes "regular" people can give advice just as well as so-called experts.
snarkypants snarkypants 7 years
two months? i'm not sure that's love you're feeling honey.
roseate roseate 7 years
Don't let any societal expectations keep you from telling him how you feel. A girl should be just a free to say it first as a guy is. However, I agree with kea718 with respect to running the risk of scaring him away. Two months isn't very long. If someone told me they loved me after only a few months, I'd be thinking that person didn't know me well enough to be so certain about those feelings.
kea718 kea718 7 years
After 2 months?? Seriously? Rushing things a bit? I know everyone's saying "tell him" but give it a little more time. After ONLY two months you run a HUGE risk of scaring him away. If anybody ever told me they loved me after such a short amount of time I'd be out that door before he could finish his sentence. Sorry for being so bitter about this, but it always bothers me when people jump the gun on the whole "I love you" thing.
LeftosDotCom LeftosDotCom 7 years
This EXACT question was posted on our site by a girl who is in the EXACT position you are. Three women responded with their advice. At the end of the day, the consensus seemed to be that you should look within for this answer. They gave some other insightful things to take into consideration before dropping the L bomb. Hopefully they can help you find the answer -
genesisrocks genesisrocks 7 years
I don't why there's a stigma about the woman saying it first so I would just go for it. Best of luck, honey!
Yogaforlife Yogaforlife 7 years
I was nervous the first time I ever said it. I had never said it to anyone but with my boyfriend (now husband), I knew after three months that I loved him. I didn't want to be the first to say it, but I finally caved and said it.Why deny the pleasure of telling someone that you love them? It's such a wonderful, freeing feeling to finally say it.
tlsgirl tlsgirl 7 years
I would just go for it.
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