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Ask E. Jean: Because of You, I'm Not Getting Lingerie!

Ask E. Jean: Because of You, I'm Not Getting Lingerie!

To honor Valentine's Day, I wanted to revisit this awesome E. Jean post that will be perfect for those of you who are big lingerie fans!

Dear E. Jean,

I have been wanting my husband to buy me lingerie since we have been together. Never once has that happened. I’ve done everything I can think of and have been frustrated that he hasn’t.

It has been ingrained in him for years that buying lingerie for your partner is wrong and will end in disaster. He has specifically directed me to interviews and statements by you, E. Jean. Below is part of one such interview you did on CNN:
CARROLL: “That's right. Do not give that lady lingerie because if YOU (the guy) like it, I guarantee she (the woman) won't. She gets that box, and says ‘how nice.’ But she's thinking in the back of her mind, ‘I'm going to open it up, it's going to be red net undies.’ And then when she sees it, she knows the guy expects her to put those on and cavort around like Janet Jackson at the halftime show. It is bad. No women likes that.
SOLEDAD O'BRIEN: So, don't give lingerie at all?
CARROLL: No.
O'BRIEN: Even though everyone thinks it's sexy, it's not sexy at all?
CARROLL: Nobody wants it. You pull out the pushup bra, your chest is up to here. It's horrible.

E. Jean! I’d like to say, speak for yourself, you do not speak for me and I know for a fact there are other women who adore knowing their partner will spend the time to shop and pick out something sexy, beautiful, and romantic that they would like to share with their partner in their intimacy. Your all-inclusive comments are inappropriate. How dare you suggest you would know what “all” women want? You make it harder for all the many that don’t fall into your bubble of an idea
— I Want Lingerie!

To see E. Jean's answer

My Darling,
I was wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong!
Not to mention dense, narrow-minded, pea-brained, and dumb. For although I think that men have to be out of their minds to even attempt to buy me that tasty, little crotch-free trick teddy with matching fingertip gloves, black-velvet wrist bows, and blindfold — and although the last thing I want to see in a box is pair of eerie fishnet underpants with their lewd little puckered-leg holes staring up at me — and although I have nothing but the most hideous memories of being presented with a fancy undergarment that when I put it on, cut off my circulation and made me look like I had bound myself with piano wires — you, madam, know what you want. And by god! We’re going to get it for you!

Show your husband this post IMMEDIATELY. I have something to say to him:
Hello there, sir! E. Jean, the-Heinous-Know-It-All here. Go buy your girl some lingerie! Better yet, go together. She’s a lovely, smart woman, and deserves the best! Happy Valentine’s Night to you both!

To see more advice from E. Jean visit Elle magazine and AskEJean.com.

Jinx Jinx 8 years
I think its probably best for you to pick out your own.
austerity austerity 8 years
I always think how it's so hilarious that Victoria's Secret is the only lingerie store where half of the visitors are MEN and they are drooling over the Angels blowup photographs holding their girlfriends's hands, who in turn are drooling over the lingerie they want to buy :D
karina2244 karina2244 8 years
My fiance goes to Victoria's Secret to get me lingerie... the sales women there help him out, and he has a blast.. haha. You can't go wrong with Victoria's Secret! And if he's walking around with the saleswomen, then he won't feel like "that creepy guy" looking at the panties!
cptnruthless cptnruthless 8 years
Women make it too difficult for guys. If you know what you want, just tell them, it's really not that difficult if you're in a committed relationship based on trust! Just put sticky notes on a Victoria's Secret catalog with the ones you like, circle your size - and leave it in his briefcase - and write the website on there too! Seriously, I know lots of grown men who would be TRAUMATIZED walking into a store alone full of bras! Oh, and I totally agree - what if he chooses something XXX rated and you're a good girl - then you're only going to get mad at him, which no guy wants...
heatherhas heatherhas 8 years
Have you considered the fact that he may be UNCOMFORTABLE buying you lingere in a store? My fiance considered getting me some last year, but got into VS and saw another creepy older guy looking at panties and he didn't want to be that guy so he bought me a soft robe instead.
Ac2366 Ac2366 8 years
Yeah, I wouldn't want my guy to buy me lingerie because I would be afraid it wouldn't fit. I would much rather get an idea of what he likes and go out and buy it on my own. Going together is a good idea too.
Squeaks26 Squeaks26 8 years
For all you Twilight fans. Do you remember the lingerie in book 4? So funny. Bella said "I didn’t know how or when, but someday, Alice was going to pay for this." And when Bella woke and saw her black lingerie in pieces on the floor. So hot.
lemamike lemamike 8 years
I'd love lingere but be afraid it wouldn't fit. "oh honey this is so beautiful and sexy but oops it doesn't fit on my butt!"
candace87 candace87 8 years
I remember this post from last valentines day.
princess_eab princess_eab 8 years
LOL!! my last two boyfriends were really into very sleazy lingerie, but my current one feels nervous buying it for me. I buy myself little "treats" now and then... usually a sheer babydoll or a silk chemise.
nestingdolls nestingdolls 8 years
i can see it now,my boyfriend would come home with a box for me (it would say some type of lingerie brand). i would open it up and nothing would be inside. now that's his type of "lingerie".
dm8bri dm8bri 8 years
I'm more a fan of my guy coming along to buy it with me. That way, I get something that fits and I'll actually wear, and he gets a nice show - a la Victoria's Secret runway, but wayyy hotter ;)
Symphonee Symphonee 8 years
I think my boyfriend could do a good job picking out lingerie. Nobody buys me any shoes at all because I tend to be very picky about what I like. It usually turns into here's the money now go buy. But my boyfriend bought me some fabulous shoes for Christmas and I was surprised and ecstatic at the same time. I guess he could try to do lingerie but my boyfriend is smart enough to keep the receipt just in case.
lickety-split lickety-split 8 years
i'm pretty sure this was LAST YEAR'S e jean too
tinyspark tinyspark 9 years
It's a present for him too! :)
bailaoragaditana bailaoragaditana 9 years
Go together - it's more fun that way, and he can pick what he likes, and you can pick what fits, and he can pay! Voila, everyone's happy!
DaniBeef DaniBeef 9 years
i think buying a woman lingerie is dangerous territory because guys don't really know much about sizing besides bra sizes. if anything, give your lady a victoria's secret gift card in a pretty pink package and maybe a little note saying it's for lingerie for you both to enjoy. and while you're at it, maybe lay in bed on a lazy saturday and pick out things together. my guy got me a VS gift card for christmas '06 and we picked out stuff together. and it wasn't even risque, it was just bras & bikini panties but they said cute things on them and since i don't usually read my own tush, they were for really for him. plus, he knows i like to bargain hunt, so we waited until there was a sale, so the money was stretched even more...which is good because we're both poor college kids..
lizadilly lizadilly 9 years
I think it depends where you are in a relationship, too. If I were dating a guy and his first gift was lingerie, I'd be like, Oh great, this is what I am to him... But when my boyfriend of four years gave me lingerie for the first time (after many thoughtful gifts from the previous years), I LOVED it. It was totally unexpected, and showed he still wanted us to be playful, romantic, and passionate. That said, most men do have terrible taste... they pick out things a twelve year old would like, with rhinestones and colored lace. Echh. And it is difficult to get something flattering. I am in great shape but lingerie is hit or miss.
nahsj nahsj 9 years
I could NOT be more turned off if a guy bought me lingerie on Valentines Day. I can't help but to think of all of the times I've been shopping at a lingerie store and seen a guy - or two or three - creeping around! It makes me so uncomfortable when they suddenly appear next to me at an underwear display or even worse when I look up and catch them staring at me or some other chick. I would DIE if I knew my boyfriend was one of those creeps - in a good relationship, the guy doesn't have to buy the lingerie, you should already have it ready for him.
bbkf bbkf 9 years
Here Here! I love lingerie!
brown_eyed_grrl brown_eyed_grrl 9 years
That's hilarious. I love getting lingerie, but when I say lingerie, I mean soemthing tasteful, pretty, and maybe a little sexy. Something you'd imagine a saucy Freanch or Italian woman wears. Not something you'd imagine a stripper wearing as she slides down a pole and lands on her patent-leather-platformed feet! Thank goodness my fiance has great taste!
KerryG KerryG 9 years
Huh. I kind of feel like there is a communication problem here. Have you TOLD him outright that you want him to buy you lingerie? Because if you have and he's still waving around letters from experts advising against it, that suggests to me that he's afraid of making a mistake. Which, considering that most women buy THEMSELVES the wrong bra size, is a perfectly legitimate fear. Why don't you ease him into it by taking him with you once or twice so he can get an idea of your size and what you like? If you can (usually easier on quiet days in department stores than smaller stores like V'sS), you could even sneak him into the dressing room with you. I guarantee it will be the best shopping trip of his life. ;) If you haven't told him outright, then I don't really have much sympathy. If it's causing you that much frustration, why the hell are you still dancing around the issue? You married him, didn't you? You ought to be able to tell him what you want straight out.
Asia84 Asia84 9 years
i say let the man buy something. and if it's the wrong size, color, style, whatever, then you can smile lovingly, and make a trip back to the lingerie boutique TOGETHER. and while you turn him on at Victoria's Secret with all the trying on and what-not, then you can con him into going just aross the way to Bed Bath & Beyond . . .to buy the nice comforter set that you want. y'all better start workin' your jellies . . .
Asia84 Asia84 9 years
lmao . . you called her out big time! there is nothing wrong with wanting your man to buy sexy little things for you. I think he just used everything else as an excuse not to buy you lingerie. i'm sorry, i rather my man buy me crotch-less panties and a whip cream(not my style), than to never buy me something so intimate at all. it's all about the thought. even if the size is wrong . . . so what if he buys you a 36D and you're barely a C-cup. how the hell is HE suppose to know. most women in America can't buy the right bra size. how can we expect the guy, who buys their underwear in S-M-L-XL, to know about these things.
snowbunny11 snowbunny11 9 years
Lol, great answer E. Jean. Though I would have to admit, unsolicited lingerie MIGHT be a bad idea. I'm a fan of those soft lingerie-style nighties at Victoria's Secret. Totally comfortable, but still hot on. My boyfriend seriously would buy a dominatrix-style outfit if left to his own devices, but likes what I buy when I have it on! :)
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