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Ask E. Jean for DearSugar: Am I in the Wrong?

Dear E. Jean --

I’ve been in a relationship with a woman for about 5 months. Things have been great, until it comes to her ex-boyfriend. She revealed to me that even though they’ve been broken-up, and he lives with another woman, that they’ve enjoyed a sexual relationship, (friends with benefits) until I came into the picture. She swears that they’re just very good friends, and I have nothing to worry about.

But over half the times we’re out, he’s called. I’ve caught him driving by her work more than once. Two weeks ago, I became very angry, and told her either him or me. She left him a voice mail saying they couldn't hang out or talk anymore, but ever since then, we have not been on good terms. She thinks I’m controlling but I feel their relationship is so friendly, it’s inappropriate. I admit, I do have jealousy issues, but am I wrong to tell them to stop?

To see E. Jean's answer

My Man--

Let me put it this way: If you don’t grow a pair of gooblies, set this young lady straight, and tell her to cease her inane bellyaching for her “friend,” old Eeee Jean is going to “drive by her work,” and give her a bop on the forehead with one of your old jock straps.

The woman’s running amok. Her ex-lover calls half the times you’re out? Gah! He’s slinking around her job? Lord! Unless she cuts him off, cold, she’s not the woman for you. You sound like a solid, understanding, upright, true-blue guy. You deserve better.

To see more advice from E. Jean visit Elle Magazine and

Join The Conversation
jezzybell jezzybell 10 years
he DID know the answer to this question before he ever wrote to a complete stranger in a public forum right? You know he did. I don't think i've ever met anyone anywhere who hasn't been a complete sap for someone somewhere sometime. signed sap
lickety-split lickety-split 10 years
you can't stop anything. she has to want to stop it herself. but even so, driving by her work is sort of stalkerish don't you think? the "ex" isn't letting go so easily. if you want some help here clue in his live in girlfriend. anonymously of course. if she is interested in saving her relationship she'll do the work for you. but honestly, look at what you have here, someone who sort of holds her emotions hostage and has a history of sneaky relationships. is that the woman of your dreams?
cubadog cubadog 10 years
I agree with everyone but ninja she needs to make a choice. How completely disrespectful of your relationship given their history together I wouldn't trust either one of them ever. He was sleeping with her while living with another woman.
Chica8a Chica8a 10 years
I agree with E. Jean .... you need to show her that she cant play you like a fool, there has to be some boundaries!!
MiyabiNa MiyabiNa 10 years
I agree with the writer and E Jean! That woman is crazy is she thinks you're controlling her. It's not a control issue, it's a respect issue! Obviously she has no respect for you or the relationship if she's going to keep seeing her ex everywhere. I can't believe you let it go on this long! I'd be going NUTS by now! Her ex is crazy too! Get out of this before her resentment towards your "controlling ways" gets worse!
muchacha muchacha 10 years
great advice.
nessabum nessabum 10 years
couldn't have said it better, E. Jean.
ninjastarlett ninjastarlett 10 years
I think the ultimatum was pushing it... unless you have a significant feeling that they may still be fooling around or have feelings for each other. How long ago was the break-up/friends-with-benefits stuff for them? Are they really over all of it? If it's really just a friendship, then try and give her and him the benefit of the doubt. If it's making you uncomfortable, it's hard to tell from your description of the situation whether or not it's founded in something. Try talking to her more about the situation, and maybe him too?
pinupsweetheart pinupsweetheart 10 years
I can see if he was stalking her and she had nothing to do with it, but the fact that she is still keeping him around. You know what I call that? A backup plan. I think you need to stick to your guns and say me or him. You deserve a woman that wants only you.
demonkitty18 demonkitty18 10 years
you definetly deserve better.
Hollywoodjess Hollywoodjess 10 years
I agree! Well put!
nicachica nicachica 10 years
seriously, follow your gut. this isn't some innocent relationship and this girl is not respecting you or your relationship. dump her!
Community-Manager Community-Manager 10 years
Well said E. Jean
partysugar partysugar 10 years
True that E. Jean!
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