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Ask E. Jean For DearSugar: Did I Upset Him That Much?

Dear E. Jean,
Last weekend I had a new guy over for dinner. I spent two days cleaning, one day cooking, and everything went fantastically until we started watching a movie after dessert and fooling around on the couch. I admit I had three cognacs, but as he was kissing me, I began laughing at the movie and at one point I started repeating some of the dialogue.

E. Jean, I couldn’t help myself. It was Dr. Strangelove. The guy is a movie buff and a big Kubrick fan! Anyway, once I started laughing, I couldn’t stop. I apologized about 50 times, but he got up abruptly, said "Thank you for dinner," made a dash for the front door . . . and left!

I got a text from him the next day that said "You’re the only woman I know who can cook like Martha Stewart and talk like Slim Pickens."

Obviously I hurt his ego. But must I remain totally silent when a guy starts making his moves on me? — Love Is Very Strange

To see E. Jean's answer,


Miss Strange, My Pet,
No, indeed. I’m tired of men telling women what they may and may not do when snogging. It is perfectly proper for a young lady to sigh, snort softly, moan, whimper, mewl, twitter, howl in a low voice, hiss, growl, squeal, whine, purr, and scream faintly. However, it is considered bad form to laugh more than 20 minutes or, when hooking up with a new boyfriend, to say aloud any of the following:

  1. "How much do you love me?"
  2. "Nevermind the sores. They don’t really itch that much."
  3. "Do you want to move in, or just get married immediately?"
  4. "Oh, don’t worry, I can IM my girlfriends and have sex with you at the same time."
  5. "I just love playing with your man boobs!"

Saying anything else is permitted — particularly juicy impersonations of Mr. Slim Pickens. Because, of course, you’re supposed to laugh at Dr. Strangelove. ("Gentlemen! No fighting in the war room!") It’s one of the funniest movies in the history of cinema. As for the guy? The poor chap is so thin-skinned it's amazing he could keep his liver from falling out of his body and dropping onto the floor.

To see more advice from E. Jean, visit Elle magazine and

Join The Conversation
sparklestar sparklestar 8 years
Hmm, I don't think you are right for each other. I would have been weirded out by your behaviour in his situation too?
Janine22 Janine22 8 years
He sounds like a sensitive guy, you probably just hurt his ego, perhaps he thought you were laughing at him. But still, I don't see why he would just run out the door like that. He sounds a bit immature to do that.
superfoxml superfoxml 8 years
Yeah this guy clearly has some weird issues and it's good you figured this out early on, so you haven't invested tons of time into a freak. Consider this a good thing because if he doesn't get your personality, he's not worth your time.
Muirnea Muirnea 8 years
I'm with karen408 and glowingmoon and RockandRepublic. My ex at one point would actually watch the t.v. that was on in the room while we were having sex. Talk about me feeling
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 8 years
Drunks are so unattractive.
aylee aylee 8 years
Bransugar took the words right out of my mouth. He probably did overreact, but put yourself in his shoes and see how you would feel in that situation especially when you just started dating. I don't think he's the guy for you though. If he is, I don't think a movie can easily distract you from him.
MartiniLush MartiniLush 8 years
I think he sounds lame. I mean, come on - you didn't do anything horrible and you did have 3 cognacs - he should totally understand! Not sure I would want to pursue a relationship with someone so lacking in a sense of humor!
bransugar79 bransugar79 8 years
I can understand a giggle fit every now and then but really imagine if you were on his end and you weren't drunk. Maybe it's not so funny to have someone start kissing you and then burst into laughter. I know it happens occasionally and if you are in a relationship then the other person would be more understanding, but considering this was your first time together it may have freaked him out a little. Do I think it was enough to storm out like a drama queen? No but you really should rethink your approach
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 8 years
"Anyway, once I started laughing, I couldn’t stop." OP, I think this is rude of you. You and your date were kissing and getting intimate. Are you 12 years old?? Your laughing fit was untimely to say the least. You also said you were quoting the movie. Charming. Maybe it was the three cognacs. I don't know. I don't blame the man for ending the date. It was an intimate, delicate moment, and you ruined it. JMHO.
ehadams ehadams 8 years
This guy sounds like a jerk. Be glad you found out so soon.
CoMMember13630786602261 CoMMember13630786602261 8 years
"I totally don't blame you for cracking up. I would have too. My boyfriend does this all the time and I think it's funny. I think you have to be able to laugh together as a couple." I agree with this.. I've started laughing whenever my boyfriend is putting the moves on me. Sometimes its because theres something funny on TV sometimes its for no reason at all. Sometimes I can tell he gets a little aggravated, but usually he just starts laughing back at me!
CoMMember13630786602261 CoMMember13630786602261 8 years
I understand why he may have gotten his feelings hurt, but I think he overreacted by getting up and leaving. I obviously dont know anything about this guy, but from what it sounds like hes the kind of guy who will constantly need you to stroke is ego, the kinda of guy who will act like a big baby when he doesnt get what he wants. Ive dated a few of those and its never fun!
0danielle0 0danielle0 8 years
Aw, he has no sense of humor! I'd be irritated if someone was watching tv while making out with me, but whatever... You're probably better off not pursuing things with him. :)
ChristinaMUFE ChristinaMUFE 8 years
I totally don't blame you for cracking up. I would have too. My boyfriend does this all the time and I think it's funny. I think you have to be able to laugh together as a couple.
skigurl skigurl 8 years
he probably felt awkward (understandably) especially if he was nervous, but he could have dealt with it much better. if he had any sense of humour at all, he would have been laughing along with you! depends on how important humour is to you i guess....but the fact that he texted you means he's kinda interested still so make a decision and go with it.
mks0880 mks0880 8 years
I agree with you, karen408. I would be uncomfortable if the person I was kissing was still watching TV at the same time. I would be mad if he couldn't pull himself together to focus on me. Isn't that what making out is all about?
karen408 karen408 8 years
I actually disagree with the other posters...if I'm making out with a guy and he gets continually distracted by something on the TV, it would aggravate me too. I would be tempted to leave so that he could watch the show that is obviously more engaging than I am at that moment. And since I myself am easiy distracted by the show/tv/music or whatever is on when the action starts, I turn the volume down so that I can focus where I *should* be focusing.
joesbabygirl joesbabygirl 8 years
He sounds lame
CYL CYL 8 years
too insecure...
sundaygreen sundaygreen 8 years
He sounds like he has no sense of humour, I would have kicked him out before he stormed out!
karlotta karlotta 8 years
He got insecure - he wanted you to swoon and lose your mind over his magnificent handling of your body, and instead you rolled yourself on the floor laughing. Not saying you were wrong - at least you're natural and genuine and don't take yourself seriously, which is really great; but maybe his ego couldn't take it... I'd tell him you were just nervous and you'd love to see him again - and maybe you can watch the Thin Red Line? :D
princess_eab princess_eab 8 years
What the hell! The guy needs to get over himself! HUGE red flag - gigantic! This guy will kill all your fun and try to control you.
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