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Ask E. Jean for DearSugar: He Wants Oral Sex All the Time!

Dear E. Jean and DearSugar,

I’m 25, madly in love with my husband, and the mother of 2-year old twins. We’re a little stressed because we’re both working, live on a very limited budget, and have almost no time to even sit down to watch a movie together; so you’ll be surprised to hear that my husband finds the time to constantly ask me to give him oral sex. I mean constantly! Morning, noon, and night. Well, E. Jean, I don’t feel like it. I’m tired. I don’t have the energy, and anyway he never gives me even a back rub in return! Right now he is sitting at the kitchen table pouting! Can you believe it? — Pure and Simple

To see E. Jean's answer

Miss Pure, My Prune,

Phoo. Go tell the selfish rogue that unless he runs your bath ... slowly strips your clothes from your body ... and massages every inch of you until you roll on the floor in screaming, biting ecstasies, you will forget he even has a penis.

Indeed, you must fire up your energy level, take a deep breath, give the cad some solid eye contact, and tell him that from now on, every time he asks for a delicious favor, he must first give you a treat. Make that two treats.

Why two?

Things are so upside down, so crazily out of erotic balance, the battle of the sexes has reached such a new level of raving tumult, that women are now giving oral pleasure to men almost twice as often as they receive it. And for college-age women, the numbers are even more astoundingly lopsided. College woman give oral pleasure to young men nearly three times more often than they receive it.

These figures are keeping me up late trying to figure out why young women are doing this. I’m quoting from the preliminary results of the sex study I am conducting on Facebook. I would love to have you and all the DearSugar Wonder Women shed some light on this topic and be a part of the study. You may be quoted — anonymously — in my book about college sex.

To see more advice from E. Jean visit Elle Magazine and

Join The Conversation
mjz336 mjz336 6 years
I am in a relationship of over a year and I go down on my girl 5 plus times a week, and I am lucky if I get oral sex once every few its not like its only girls that are getting screwed when it comes to the going down ratios.
Robbe_a Robbe_a 9 years
i dont give oral sex unless its ny idea it takes away from the oleaser of it if you are asked or pressured. i give the best bj when I WANT TO DO IT
bellydancinmary bellydancinmary 9 years
Tell him he better give you some pleasure in return. He shouldn't be pouting either. The more he pouts, the longer he waits.
HelloKittyMini HelloKittyMini 9 years
I find most of these responses completely out of control. Very few people have suggested that this writer speak to her partner about their sex life. We don't know why he is only focused on oral sex, why she doesn't like providing it, if there is any sexual favor she would like more of? If he is willing to do things she wants to make their sex life better. It seems the real issue is communication between her and her husband. I'm also really saddened by the idea that your boyfriend should take you out to a fancy dinner or shopping to get oral sex. Sex shouldn't be a tool in a relationship used to control your mate.
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 9 years
I swear that Samantha Jones once said, "if you want it so bad, you gotta do it yourself" in response to a guy...:D
pinkcotton pinkcotton 9 years
IT TAKES TWO!! My guy wants it all the time too, but I don't mind giving because I do get in return. Whether it's shopping or my favorite place to eat he understands to make him happy he MUST make me happy.
PJ-PJ-PJ PJ-PJ-PJ 9 years
Why don't most guys get the whole give & receive concept? Thank goodness my husband is not one of those. A girlfriend's husband told her once that she was SUPPOSED TO enjoy & be willing to do any type of sex with him. Like it was her fault that she was tired & uninterested in constant sex. Hello, with their toddlers to take care of & his sexual demands, I'm surprised she even goes home anymore! This post reminded me of something I heard a previous neighbor say, to his one million months pregnant wife, due to give birth any day then. (This was over the privacy fence...he clearly had no idea I was in my back yard.) They were having a serious sounding discussion & then he got frustrated & told her that she could at least give him a blow job! It was so funny, but I did feel sorry for her. Some guys just don't get it.
mcreverie mcreverie 9 years
i would shoot him a flirty, coy response and say, "and what are you going to do for me?" if he can't give you a satisfactory answer, don't give him anything that day
JustSomeChick JustSomeChick 9 years
I'm with K8 as well. I love love love giving and don't enjoy receiving, so I guess he's the lucky one there.
lickety-split lickety-split 9 years
my guess is that what is going on is that this man is exhausted (father of twins)and you pleasuring him requires little to no effort on his part, and 2) there is no risk of pregnancy this way. i'm not saying this is fair, just saying this is a tired 20-something man who has read the chances of having twins after the first set and he still was some. hire a sitter and go to a hotel for the night with birth control and back-up.
llsand llsand 9 years
I like giving oral sex and he really love's to give it to me ( more that anything actually ) but at one point my hubby really was asking a LOT of times. So i just did what was logic : i stopped completely. He stopped taking it for granted and one day Whammm !! it was back and he never even realised it. This is a good way to go if you want to make him understand that it's not something to take for granted.
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 9 years
Re: the post, I think he should understand that if he wants you to do him a favor, he should have to do you some favors in return! And E. Jean, in response to your question... I don't know how your poll is phrased, but are you asking these women if they even like or want oral sex? Personally, I don't prefer it. I like his mouth up by mine and his hands touching me. I know several of my girlfriends that feel the same way. However, I think 99-1 guys would choose oral sex over a handjob, including my boyfriend. So I guess in my case, I give way more than I receive in terms of oral sex, but that is absolutely my preference. I bet I'm not alone! So perhaps that accounts for some of the disparity?
LikeThoseShoes LikeThoseShoes 9 years
hah im with K8 on this.
k8-rckstr k8-rckstr 9 years
well... I can't relate... I love giving oral sex... any time... soooo... lol... I wish you all the best in your future endeavors haha :D
Emiily Emiily 9 years
I give my boyfriend oral sex all the time. But I only see him a few days out of the week. So if we spend two nights together I most likely give it to him twice, maybe three times but don't finish. I love his penis, and I want to make him feel good. I have him a blow job before he had to go to work so that he'd have a better day because I love him :) He gives it to me just as good, we have good sex. Last night was amazing. I was wearing a sexy nighty and we had candles going and new sheets. We were both so into the mood and I had multiple orgasms. haha, I'm starting to blush!
kendalheart kendalheart 9 years
hahahaha yes erratic-assassin it does
erratic-assassin erratic-assassin 9 years
lol, that cat looks like it's puffin out smoke... I'm just sayin...
erratic-assassin erratic-assassin 9 years
W*T*F is up with those pics? I hate cats! and the smiley? stop assuming I want smiley faces sugar!!! I'm not 12!! I meant to finish that sentence off as *sigh* and ending my parenthesis....oi!
erratic-assassin erratic-assassin 9 years
It IS just as bad as asking for a glass of water!! It's kinda like "arf?" I like doin it, dont get me wrong, but WHAT A BUZZKILL when you're in the groove of gettin some. it's like takin a detour. lately, I do me and then we do him. easier and I'm not as anxious. luckily my guy gives me massages the whoooole time we are at home watching tv...he even does dishes and housework (not ALL, but some...without asking...::sigh::) but still...we spit on them naggy rogues! ::puh::
viridiana viridiana 9 years
I'm really interested in being part of your sex study on Facebook...
Indigo4320 Indigo4320 9 years
I'm guilty of never wanting to give it to him. It's awful but he does it for me every time we have sex. He even offers to do it at weird times when we're not planning to have sex. So I feel really selfish for not wanting to do it to him. Maybe tonight I will = )
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