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Ask E. Jean for DearSugar: How Can I Forgive Him?

Dear E. Jean--

My fiancé cheated on me a year ago. I found out 6 months ago. He told me it was a one-time deal, and I have chosen to believe him and have proceeded with our wedding. However, I’m struggling with finding a way to get over this. We are getting married in 27 days and every couple weeks I get so frustrated and bring it up. I know that if I decide to forgive him, I also need to forget what he did, but I have no one else to talk to about my feelings because no one else knows. Do you have any words of wisdom for me? Am I making a mistake by marrying this man?

To see E. Jean's answer


Lemme get this straight: 1. You don’t trust the guy. 2. You can’t forgive the guy. 3. You refuse to forget the guy made an ass of himself; and you’re asking old Eeeee Jean and DearSugar if you’re “making a mistake?”

Call the wedding off, darling.

There’s not a single syllable in your letter about loving the lad. You’ve mentioned “cheating,” “struggling,” and “frustrated;” but as for even liking the poor cadball---?Hell, I think I’m more fond of him than you are.

Send the presents back. Cancel the reception. Defrock the minister. Then, when everyone’s relaxed, I advise you to go on the honeymoon. It is exactly what you need. Perhaps even invite your ex-fiancé. Maybe you’ll find that if he still loves you and promises to never look at another woman again . . . . you can fall in love again. Because though he screwed up . . . though he was a cad, a worm, a louse---he can change. It will take time. He’ll have to mature, like Seth Rogen in Knocked Up, but you may grow to trust him again.

I realize we’re all in the midst of “Sugar Wedding Frenzy” here and if anyone knows a bride, please do not let her see this. But the cold hard fact is it is five times more glamorous and exciting to call a wedding off than it is to go through with a wedding. Most weddings are a drag for the people invited. They’re an effort to go to, sit through, and basically pretty much suck all the way around. With the exception of the mother of the bride, everyone will be relieved when you call it off, including your chap.

To see more advice from E. Jean visit Elle Magazine and

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