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Ask E. Jean for DearSugar: Should I Trust My Boyfriend?

Dear E. Jean,

I hope you can answer quickly! I love my boyfriend. We’ve been together since we graduated from Dartmouth. He’s smart, handsome, funny, and works extremely hard (he’s an investment banker and logs about 14-hours a day); but he does not handle stress well. His job is extraordinarily stressful!

We live together in Brooklyn with my dog, Raisin. Raisin is a rescued Pit Bull, and the sweetest, most affectionate dog in New York. She has beautiful manners, is NOT aggressive, always kisses strangers, wears a big, happy grin wherever she goes and is beloved by all (once they meet her). Her disposition is so tender I am training her to become a pet therapy dog — a “Special Visitor” to children in hospitals.

Last week, my boyfriend was extremely tense, had not slept, lost his temper and kicked Raisin so hard in her back right hip she limped for three days. I told him if he ever laid a hand on her again, I would leave.

Well, last night, I ran out to get some Chinese take out and left Raisin (alone) in the apartment. When I came home, my boyfriend had arrived and Raisin was laying in a corner with both her eyes completely BLOOD SHOT and she had difficulty standing.

He swears he didn’t hit her. But I KNOW he did! I know it! She was perfectly fine when I left. Raisin can’t talk — I am going out of my mind. I’ve been looking online and sudden blood shot eyes CAN indicate “being struck by an object.” Also she is crippled in the front now. What should I do? Do I believe my boyfriend? He swears on his love for me that he had just walked into the apartment before I came back with the food. Help! — Raisin’s Best Friend

To see E. Jean's answer

MY DEAR FRIEND: I was so jolted with fear reading your letter, so frightened for Raisin, so worried about you, it will take me all night to calm down.

Although I have no proof, I believe your boyfriend hurt Raisin. A fiend who would kick a dog so hard that she limps for three days is a brute capable of the most violent, stupid, evil, irrational behavior. (And is v.v.v. capable of lying about it.)

I want you to leave the apartment immediately. Tonight! A man who will kick a dog can not be trusted. Take Raisin, go stay with friends. Tomorrow, take her to the vet. The poor creature may have suffered internal injuries.

After you visit the vet, look for a new place to live. Do not speak to the man who hurt Raisin. He is a head case. Do not call him, e-mail him, I-M him, or see him. Then when you find a new place — when he is at work — move every single item you own out of the apartment.

This is not going to be easy. He will try to see you. He will come to where you work. He will swear he loves you. He will cry. He will sob. He will whimper. Do not fall for it. You know what happened. And so does he.

To see more advice from E. Jean visit Elle Magazine and

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