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Ask E. Jean for DearSugar: What Kind of Angry Should I be?

Dear E. Jean--

This guy and I have been hanging out for a little while now, and things seem to be going along -- very slowly. I really care for him, but I'm not quite sure how it is on his end.

We flirt at work, call each other, he emails me, we've been going to concerts, out to get coffee, he came along with me for my birthday--I really thought we had been gaining some Momentum.
Until yesterday.
We had plans to see a movie after work but then I never heard from him. I was a little unnerved and to be quite honest, pissed-off, simply because we said we were going to go and then . . . he never called.

This morning I got an e-mail from him, apologizing . He said his parents stopped by and took him out for dinner, etc. And that's fine, but the thing is, he couldn't just give me a 5-second phone call and let me know it wasn't going to work? I mean, I'm glad he apologized, but something still irks me.

He asked me if we could go tomorrow instead, via email. I haven't gotten back to him yet. Am I wrong for being this irritated about it? I know we're just friends right now (who’ve kissed and cuddled, and perhaps been on dates) but I think I deserved 2 seconds of his time to tell me he had to reschedule.

What do I do? Ignore the e-mail and wait for an actual call or get back to him? I'm just not quite sure how to take it. Should I be passive aggressive until he gets the point? Or be out-right angry and run the risk of him thinking I’m too high maintenance?

To see E. Jean's answer


How deliciously persnickety you are, my darling!

Listen to Auntie Eeeee: I like you. I want you to be happy. I know you’re upset (we’ve all been there); but please, please cease pouring your brain through a sieve. Don’t worry if you should be “out-right angry” or “passive-aggressive until he gets the point.” (That’s like asking if you should act like a dingbat or a snotty little bitchette.) Do neither. Be yourself. Repeat. Be Yourself.

That means, if you’re irked . . . be irked. But show your irked-ness in such a fetching manner, you enslave the lad even more deeply. When you see him say:

“Dang! You didn’t call about the movie! Please don’t do that again. You made me miss my man in Bourne.” (If you’re the dramatic-Winona-Ryder-type, at this point you can whip-out a PopSugar photo of the divine Damon and simply clasp it to your breast in heavenly woe.)

And then drop the subject.

The guy’s taking things v.v.v. slowly, true; but he’s crazy enough about you to be “flirting, calling, cuddling, e-mailing, birthday-celebrating, and kissing.” That probably means he’ll continue being crazy about you the next time you’re together. So don’t over-think. Let the magic work. Be yourself. And if he stands you up again? No need to write to E. Jean or DearSugar. Croak him.

To see more advice from E. Jean visit Elle Magazine and

KristaLynn KristaLynn 10 years
BE YOURSELF ... What happens when you don't like yourself? I think the advice for some should be, "Try and be someone different..."
VixenMJ VixenMJ 10 years
E. Jean is right - be whatever kind of angry you want to be. Except for Glenn Close in "Fatal Attraction" kind of angry. That one's not ok.
gossipqueen gossipqueen 10 years
Why didn't YOU call??? I don't get it...if you had a date and he didn't show up I would be worried and call to see what's up??? In this day and age is not only up to the guy, you know.
smp7328 smp7328 10 years
Krissy - that is so cute that he said "i just want you to believe in me"! I am glad things are working out for you. Also, E.Jean gave great advice!
paulinhadrp paulinhadrp 10 years
He made a small mistake... mention it and tell him that you will not like it to happen again. I agree with E. Jean..
KrissyThePirate KrissyThePirate 10 years
Oh my, this is my story--or my blog post that I submitted a week ago! Could have used it a few days ago, but E.Jean was plain right. In short, I plain out told him that I thought it was rude, and that I deserved 2 seconds of his time--Just being myself-- HE WAS SO UPSET WITH HIMSELF! He called me straight away (though I was working so I got a voicemail) and apoligized over and over, and felt bad that he let me down, and he thinks extremely highly of me. Before I could even get back to him when I got him, he called me again, to apoligize over and over, and he genuinely likes me and wants me to believe in him. I thought he was going to cry! He told me when he got my message on his break at work, he was so upset, and almost did cry. Jesus, I almost cried when he said that! The whole "I just want you to believe in me, Krissy" Took me for a loop and I had to hesistant because I don't think anyone has ever said that to me. He called me again that night, and he's called me everyday this week. This afternoon we went to a movie. Think I'll be okay :)
sass317 sass317 10 years
just be honest with him- tell him it pissed you off that he bailed (without a call or text or anything) and just ask that if something like that should happen again that you would like a heads up so you can not waste your evening. btw- why didnt you text or call him saying where the hell are you?
Celebrity Celebrity 10 years
E. Jean - I love it! Great shout out to Bourne and my favorite man Matt Damon!
tabloidprincess tabloidprincess 10 years
move on without him girl!
SoftRockStar SoftRockStar 10 years
Erg...why is this progressing so slowly? If you're the one for him and he's the one for you, shouldn't it have happened already?
reeveske reeveske 10 years
Oh I love you E. Jean! I wish I was as smart as you when it comes to my problems and still able to approach them in a witty and charming way like you do!
leeluvfashion leeluvfashion 10 years
Love the names E.Jean! Too funny!
sparklestar sparklestar 10 years
I think he's dating around and another girl came up, not his parents. I am eternally paranoid though. =)
Marci Marci 10 years
I don't really understand trying to figure out how to posture your irritation for this guy. It's not a game. Just tell him how you feel, just as you would one of your girlfriends. Then let it go.
pinupsweetheart pinupsweetheart 10 years
I agree with Auntie E. I know you must be upset when you went ahead and got yourself all dolled up for this guy. But ya know, sometimes things happen at the last minute and before you know it time has gotten away from you. At least the guy sent you an email the next morning saying he was sorry rather than the typical "Oh....I forgot." I wouldn't do the whole "well I am not going to talk to him cause he blew me off blah blah blah stuff." That is just typically girl chatty crap. He emailed you saying he was sorry so either email him back or call him saying how much you missed out on him that night and next time if he could text you or call you when he thinks he can't make it it would be appricated. Simple as that. He didn't do it on purpose, things HAPPEN.
livetolove livetolove 10 years
totally agree. I would do the phone thing though and wait until HE calls. If he says "oh I sent you an e-mail... didn't you get it?" you can simply reply "well the best way to contact me about stuff like that is through my phone" then you kill two birds with one stone. good luck!
partysugar partysugar 10 years
E. Jean how do you come up with all these fabulous names??? Twitwaffle? Love it!
princess_eab princess_eab 10 years
Yeah, I think it would be fine to say casually that he should have called. And-- he REALLY should have. Or texted you. Any friend would do that. if it had been me, I would've called him to say "where are you" though! Anyway, he needs to know that that's not okay.
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