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Ask E. Jean for DearSugar: What Should I Do When the Passion is Gone?

Dear E. Jean--

I've been with my boyfriend for over two years. During the first year we were very intimate and had sex multiple times a week. I love him, and I’m not attracted to anyone else; but I find myself not being sexually attracted to my boyfriend anymore.

I don't like kissing him like I used too. Also, I try to avoid having sex. The only time we’re intimate is because I’ve been drinking. I don’t know what to do! When we kiss I just feel blah. I'm so confused because I care about him so much and he’s great. What should I do?

To see E. Jean's answer


My darling, you’re doomed. Anytime sex turns so insanely freaking dull you have to get drunker than B. Spears to take off the La Perla’s, your affair is . . . done.

I know, I know. You expected Auntie Eeee to launch into the usual ladies-magazine bull hockey and bestow a bunch of sexy “tricks” on you, which in turn would cause you to simply glance at the lad and melt into a hot-molten nympho-orgazmatrix -- but, really, come on. This is DearSugar; and on DearSugar we tell each other the truth (or at least we try not to hand one another a total crock). And, hunny, I guarantee you, that once the “I don’t like kissing him” starts, you’re sunk.

Now . . . what to do. You have four options: Take a lover; find a new boyfriend; live happily ever after with the fellow without the Divine N’s (necking, nuzzling, and nookie). Or, if it so happens that you’re taking some kind of birth control which slams your mood, or are on anti-depressants, or are depressed, over-stressed, suffering with a whacky thyroid, etc, etc., or if the boy has the breath of an iguana . . . well, then a visit or two to the physician and/or a tube of Crest will probably put everything right.

Good Luck. And let us know how it’s going.

To see more advice from E. Jean visit Elle Magazine and

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